How to Execute the Perfect Wedding Day Kiss

For some people(mostly those of the female variety) ones wedding day is a fairytale experience. It can either be the greatest day of their lives, or the sole reason they talk to a therapist every other Monday. Follow my guide if you want your wife to have mostly good memories of her special day.

The Art of Sucking Face at Weddings: Mindset.
You have to have a champions mindset when it comes to hooking up with someone. Think about it this way: You won the lottery. You tricked someone into hanging out with you, and managed to convince them that you're worthy of their prescience. This is your time to walk around like you own the joint. You're the center of attention, give everybody a show when it comes time to put your significant other in a lip lock.

The Art of Sucking Face at Weddings: Hygiene.
If you insist upon having that routine monthly onion dip binge the night before the wedding, I might be a good idea to stock up on mints.Chuck a bottle Listerine, eat a bowl of Altoids and smoke a cinnamon stick or three the next morning.

The Art of Sucking Face at Weddings: Game face.
Control your emotions. Don't show too much excitement, don't get all giddy at the prospect of ripping your wife's wedding gown off later in the day, don't sweat excessively because your zipper is down and you neglected to wear underwear. Just chill. Develop an air of mystery by just looking out at the world around you as an executive you look at one of his yesmen. Own the room, and everyone will assume she's lucky to have you, and not the other way around.

The Art of Sucking Face at Weddings: Eye contact.
When it comes to communicating, with your fellow man/woman eye contact is a must. peering into the semi lifeless void that is the eyeball shows that you are interested in what everyone else has to say(even if that isn't really the case.) Eye contact isn't needed when smooching. Most people find it so intimidating, that they may feel the need to file a restraining order after a long, drawn out open eye kiss.

The Art of Sucking Face at Weddings: Post kiss conduct.
After initiating the deal sealing tongue dance of eternal love, refrain from doing anything that may be used to point out how much of a goober you are in the distant future. Don't do anything goofy. If you must throw your woman over your shoulder like you're Randy Savage and She's Elizabeth, try not to drop heron the edge of a table, or bump your head on the way to the nearest motel room.