How to Fail Your New Years Resolution

The year is quickly coming to a close, leaving us feeling a little guilty.

We seem to remember that around this time last year, we were making vague promises to ourselves. Promises about dieting, and loosing weight, being healthier, being happier... yeah, we remember those promises.

It doesn't mean we do anything about it, but, we remember. Heck, we're so happy with the way it turned out, we're planning to fail all over again in 2008.

I have compiled a list of sure fire ways to totally and completely blow your New Years resolution.

Why worry about succeeding and all the trouble it causes when you can fail with out really even trying?

First things first, dieters. All of us who insist that we plan to loose weight next year. We're going to diet, we're going to exercise, and by golly we're going to be skinny! Well, here is how you fail and let yourself off of the hook.

When you are at the New Years party loudly proclaiming yourself the next after photo in the making, instead of avoiding it, gouge yourself on the considerate party spread. Eat some chips, mini hot dogs, cake, and anything else with a calorie content, forget that palette pleasing veggie tray.

In doing so, you will ensure that you have failed as quickly as possible, releasing you from the stress of weeks of attempting to diet, only to fail then. Why go to all the trouble? If you're going to fail, do it right, and do it right away!

This can also apply to those of us who want to live healthier lives. Another option is to buy more remote controls. You can get one for your ceiling fan, your TV of course, your satellite, your car so it can warm up (heck, you can even get cars that park 'themselves' now), if you can add a remote to it, do it!

By adding remotes and staying on the couch for as long as possible each day, you will have again failed efficiently. People won't notice you didn't stick to your goal if you have a lot of cool stuff to distract them.

Just remember to avoid walking anywhere to do anything and vegetables.

Now for those of us who'd like to be happier in the New Years, meaning we're cranky, and we like it, but to please others we will force ourselves into a conforming persona. In order to make sure that you don't have to change, try for a few moments, and then turn on the TV. Make sure you tune it into something political, nothing says "let's play nice" like politics! Lucky for you guys we have lots of fun political stuff going on with Hilary Clinton, Obama, Gulliani and others in the news!

Don't be silly and do things like take up yoga, or a hobby. Did you know even 30 seconds of human contact can drop stress levels? Avoid that!

We secretly don't want to succeed, and I just think if you want to fail, do it right, and do it right away. There is no sense torturing yourself for weeks, or even months if you don't intend to do it.

Of course, if you don't actually intend to do it, and you fail, then it's sort of like THAT was your resolution, which would mean you actually did succeed.... Hmm.