How to Fall Out of Love with a Married Man
When Loving Him is Wrong and You Wanna Be Right
In my spiritual counseling practice I come across many, many women who have desperately fallen in love with a married man. Some women stay because the "unavailable man" helps them financially. These are very few. Other stay because they may "subconsciously" not want the commitment but feed off the romance the married man offers. Others stay because they are married themselves and don't want to leave the security of a marriage but want the "candy" or stimulation of an outside affair.
A lot of others stay in the relationship because they are convinced : 1) the man is unhappy and not in love with the wife (or so he says). 2) He is waiting for the children to grow up and leave the house and his children come first ('natch) 3) he has too much tied up financially in the "loveless" marriage and cannot leave because he will grow broke.
If you wish to fall out of love with a married man there are several things you should do. First of all reevaluate how much you love yourself. Do you love yourself enough to accept the "crumbs of time" your married man is offering you? If you think about it, they are stolen moments dressed in shame. Or do you wish to have a solid relationship that will last your lifetime?
Second of all, you must put yourself in the wife's position. How would you feel it you were her? Perhaps your married man has painted a picture of an evil, hollering banshee who in the daylight is a wife and at night an insulting hag. Just remember it takes two to fail a marriage. Your married man is not the innocent bystander meekly putting up with a shrew of a wife.
Also you must ask yourself this: If your married man, miraculously left his wife for you, how long will it be before he carries on an affair behind YOUR back? Can you truly trust him? If you cannot trust him then there is no real love there, just obsession.
To fall out of love with a married man requires no magic potion, but a change of mind. An evaluation of how much time and feeling you want to put into a relationship with no real return. Some tell me, "well every time I try to draw back he calls me and draws me back in. (I've heard that one countless times).
The truth is. You have the power to say no. You have the power NOT to return his phone calls. You have the power to leave your job (particularly if you are having an affair with a married co-worker or boss).You have all the control over the situation. You may put up all sorts of excuses to justify why you are still with him, but YOU have the power to turn away forever if you want.
Remember if you are having an affair on the job, it behooves you to pay attention to who all knows about it, cause when the affair is over YOU will be the one under scrutiny, he'll just be another guy who conquered another vulnerable woman. This can happen particularly if you are working in a male dominated company.
Being in love with a married man is a dead end affair. There is no positive reason to remain with him either. As his "mistress" you are an accomplice of his deceit to his wife and family. You are enabling him to stay married by being "there" when he needs you. Most importantly you are wasting your youth, your life and your love on someone who may say you are the most wonderful thing that ever happened to him, but who will NEVER give you the love and respect you deserve. Think of it that way, and you'll begin to see the light and direct your love energy and focus to something or someone else who is by far more worthwhile.
Published by Cristina Aguilar
I like to write about anything and everything that interests me. I'm an ordained minister and study the great prophets and mystics and have spiritual gifts I practice at www.liveperson.com/readings-with-Cris... View profile
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11 Comments
Post a Commentas repeatedly commented above it is true it is a fear of commitment that keeps me in the affair with the married man, we have an awesome arrangement and I dont want him to brake up with his wife, we've developed a great friendship over the two years, and I am not denying that there is feelings for one another, but is not spoken aloud, thus not feeding any emotional stuff. I am not ready for a commitment he has an awesome wife as he tells me she is just not into the sexual part of the marriage, so the both of us gets what we nee, Selfish? Maybe, Ive stopped the guilt trips over the fact that he is married, he is not unwilling and I am not forcing him into anything, and that doesnt make me a slut, If his wife finds out, it is his problem not mine as discussed, he is married I am single,
I too am guilty of loving a married man. we live hours apart, talk much, and visit occasionally. yes, something is certainly wrong with both of our lives to contiue with such nonsense. knowing neither of us will leave our families for eachother. my heart aches. i've never cheated or lied and honestly am not certain how this all came about. i know i'm guilty as sin for allowing it to continue. i suppose i'll jsut roll with it for a bit longer. i do want to leave my husband, but financially can't stand on my own two feet...yet. i'm hoping to this fall. i don't need a man, but would love his body occasionally.
I'm in love with a married man who lives miles away. we've became friends first on the internet. He doesn't tell me he don't love his wife, in fact he hardly brings her up. We haven't seen each other that much, but having him in my days means alot to me. Saw him recently, and he couldn't make love to me, then said he felt guilty, but still emails me every chance he gets. I'm torn because I do love him, and wish more men could be like him, but hate to know i'm making him feel guilty. I put myself in his wife's shoes and I hate myself, but our friendship has brought him back to her. I don't know what the future holds, he doesn't give me empty promises, we just have a friendship. She would be crushed if she found out, and i often wonder what he would tell her if she ever found out about me. It's hard, I've tried to walk away many times, but miss him so much. any advice?
i am so in love with him. his got a wife + his cheating on me too.. gona try to take the advice.
thanks
I'm in love with a married man..We have known each other for 5 years and recently revealed our feelings for one another..I believe that he truly loves me..and can't leave his wife because of the kids and finances..I can't stop..I know it's wrong..I need to know from a man's point of view if there is a chance he will leave his wife..we are so perfect for each other..It can't be all negative..when there is such strong love..Any encouraging comments???Thanks
I recently realized that I've developed a pattern of falling for married or otherwise committed men, and this article pointed out the brutal honesty at the core of it all: the mix of fear of commitment (from past heartbreaks) and lack of self-love and self-respect is what keeps me pining after the unavailable. It's disgusting how many charming, seductive, taken men out there will pursue something on the side--whether for one night or throughout a lengthy affair. This is deplorable, absolutely, but the honest (and healing) truth is that they become so much MORE desirable once I learn of their unavailability! It's become an addictive cycle, and I've had enough. This article was the loving slap on the wrist to remind me to refocus all of the energy I spend obsessing and infatuating on unworthy men, and channel it on constructing my self-worth, loving myself and relishing the people in and aspects of my life that are stable, nourishing, positive, and constructive. Thank you!
I am afraid to stop seeing him because, I know that pain that is going to cause me. I fell awful about being in love with him.
It's even worse when your in love with a married man that doesn't love you back!
These are definitely things to keep in mind. Maybe, by thinking on these things, I can get over the one I'm thinking of too much.
I am/was in a relationship with a married man for 2-1/2 years and it was complete bliss until the wife found out. I fell in love and he did too but it was so unreal because we were both liars and cheaters and anything based on a lie is bound to fall. Now I am left with this excrusiating pain of a brokenheart and everyday I feel like my heart is going to stop. I work with him and am looking for a new job everyday because its hard to work with him knowing that we were having sex and now we are not. Thanks for the advise.