How Families Are Affected by an Alcoholic

Alcoholic, is a term used for someone that has an addiction to drinking alcohol and if decreased will experience withdrawal symptoms. Alcoholism ruins the lives of the alcoholic, but that is not the only victim it claims. The families of the alcoholic suffers as much as the alcoholic it seems. I speak from experience because I am a family member of an alcoholic. In this article I will explore the effects it has for the family and steps that can be taken to reach out and help the alcoholic get treatment.

Here is a little background on where I am coming from on this subject. My aunt's son and I grew up like brother and sister, we used to be very close. Ten years ago he married a woman that the family did not know much about. We soon found out that she was an alcoholic and did not show signs of getting any better. He drank occasionally before they married but after they were married it seemed he went downhill fast. Their marriage has been rocky at best and our family has to pick up the pieces every time it goes bad. They fight each other and leave each other for a day or two and then their first love, alcohol, will bring them back together. And unfortunately I live across the street from them and see their downfalls everyday.

Spouses can experience feelings of self-doubt, hatred, problems being socially active, and possible becoming ill physically or mentally. This can sometimes lead to the sober spouse to turn to drinking themselves, which is what happened in my family situation. A lot of the spouses fear the alcoholic spouse due to the possible violent nature alcohol ignites in them. Domestic abuse is a huge effect that alcohol can cause.

Children of the alcoholic also have emotional scaring from living with them. It affects their feeling of self worth and leaves them with feelings of guilt feeling they are the cause for the parent's alcoholism. In school age children, they most of the time do not succeed in classes and tend to fall behind in school. Most children will develop depression and will seclude themselves from social interaction. Fears of abandonment occurs frequently in children is a huge affect that most children of alcoholics feel. Most children feel they have no way out of the pain their parents cause. Unfortunately, parents that are alcoholics withdrawal themselves from positive interaction with their children which leaves the children feeling that the parent wish they were not around. When the children grow up to be adults they tend to lead a hard life with stealing, violence, and possible becoming an alcoholic themselves. Their depression becomes worse and they have no trust for anyone.

The whole family in general will experience embarrassment, disappointment and sometimes live in denial of the problem. Most families spend a lot of energy trying to cover the problem up to seem like they are a stable family rather than one with a problem. My family did that for awhile and finally the problem got so bad that it was impossible. We later realized that every time we bailed the two alcoholics out of trouble for what ever problem it was we were allowing the drinking to continue because they saw that we would be there to help clean up their messes. Just doing that alone will cause emotional stress on the family and sometimes it will cause families to become broken. Our situation cut our family down the middle, some wanted to fix everything and some wanted to let them learn from their mistakes and see they needed help.

There is treatment needed for the families of alcoholics, before the alcoholic gets treatment and after. Direct family members need to go see a counselor to help the affects from getting worse. There is also Al-Anon or A-lateen support groups that can lend some support and suggestions of treatment. Whatever avenue you take just make sure you take one. The physical and mental affects that is caused from being a family member of an alcoholic can ruin a person's well being if they don't get the correct help.

Now one step to a families recovery is to strive to get the alcoholic treatment. It is a very hard road to get the least bit of treatment started. The first step is to remember you can't help someone if they don't want help. There are steps that you put into motion to get help.

First you can reach out to any kind of spiritual leader such as a priest or preacher for suggestions of ways to help your family cope. My family went to our pastor and he helped us get in touch with a person that did interventions and helped the family explore ways of healing the family as a whole. We attempted to sit down as a family with the male in the situation because he was the actual family member and his wife would not listen to us whatsoever. The preacher suggested we talk to him in a closed intimate sitting with just his parents and grandmother and me to see if we could make him understand what it was doing to us. This helped for about 2 weeks and we were back at dealing with the drinking.

A few of us attend Al-Anon meetings. These meetings offer insight on what others are going through and how they cope to make it through each day. It was amazing to me at how telling your story and feeling the support that the other attendees give helps. I know there are some that will say how can sharing about someone else's problems help me but it will give you a sense of strength and encouragement. Not all attendees are going through the bad stuff and can share the afterlife of an alcoholic's treatment. We even got an idea for a way to help from a fellow attendee that was the option that helped our family ultimately. Al-Ateen is also around for the kids involved in the situation. They need just as much support as adults do. Sometimes it can be their saving grace to ensure they too don't follow the path of life their parent took.

Interventions can be done. They can be very emotional and harsh to go through. Make sure you choice a professional counselor that is experienced in interventions. You need to plan it very careful and only include people that have been affected by the alcoholic's lifestyle. The only reason that you will want to do an intervention is to provide an end result that the alcoholic will get treatment at a facility. Have that already picked out with the counselor in charge of the intervention so that the patient can go straight there after the intervention. Like any kind of addict that person will not want to hear what you say and will fight you the whole way through an intervention, be prepared. During our intervention we had a friend that was a cop stand outside in case of any violence or escape from the intervention. It may sound extreme but it happens. Once you get the alcoholic to listen, the counselor will carry on the meeting and give you each a time to speak. Don't expect a major break through. Just be happy if you can get the alcoholic to go to treatment. An intervention is just the beginning of the process to recovery. All interventions do not succeed and if they do all alcoholics do not stay on the treatment after leaving the facility, our counselor says it may take a few trips to rehab to get some of the alcoholics to a good level of facing their problem.

Remember that you are not alone in this and that there are a lot of people dealing with the similar situations. Take steps to ensure your family is not destroyed by alcohol and if there are kids involved get them to a counselor early to help them become a productive citizen. No matter how you do it, beware that it may take awhile to get that person to let treatment stick, it took our family member 3 trips to rehab to remain sober and decide that he needed to disconnect from his marriage so that he could remain a recovering laconic and not to fall back into the traps of the drink again. Take your family's well being in mind and seek the counseling that is required for your situation.