How to Fight Fairly in a Marriage

When it comes to marriage and fighting sometimes it would be nice to have an actual psychologist living right in the home for emergency use. But, since most of us aren't exactly rich it might be easier if we just learned how to discus situations instead of fighting over them.

Surviving a relationship with someone is tough enough even when everything seems to go smooth as silk. Children enter the picture, and now everything we thought we knew goes completely out the window; along with some of our patience.

A new way of life has begun. And now it's up to you to make sure that everything is in good working order. Then your spouse criticizes what you've done and you begin to boil inside because you think you're right this time. At least you hope you are.

Your spouse gives you the look, and then you know that you're riding on thin ice. You start to say something then you change your mind. Your spouse then goes over the same ole argument again. Just when you're about ready to explode you decide to hold your tongue. A few days go by and another situation arises which you disagree with. You voice your opinion again just to be shot down exactly like before.

Now you're ready for a fight, and so is your spouse. Voices are raised and now a full blown argument is definitely in the works. Before you realize it things are being said to one another that were regretted the moment they were said.

And now your adrenaline is flowing just because you were desperately trying to make a point. Regardless of the outcome of this fight, the whole scenario could have easily been prevented "if" we knew how to fight correctly.

In fact, "fight" is actually the wrong word. The correct word is discuss. But the main problem seems to be a lack of communication, or the inability to discuss your innermost feelings. Just like in this scenario most people hold their thoughts without a rebuttal until they can take it no longer. Now their opinions are released with enough hostility to start World War III.

After 25yrs of marriage the only fights we have any more are little suggestions that are made with a somewhat smile. The point has been made there's no need to take it to the next level. Now, I know exactly what to do.

Basic constant communication is the best emotional tool to prevent most types of arguments. Understanding your partner's emotions, and what makes them tick is another handy tool in a good marriage.

Knowing your spouse and their temperament is a must. Some days are just not good days for certain discussions. If the discussion starts off on the wrong foot let it go for now unless it's a matter which needs to be discussed immediately. Wait until the right place, and the right time for any major discussions.

Always keep your serious discussions in private. If you nag your spouse in front of their friends you're doing nothing but hurting their egos, and now the whole discussion has moved quickly to the next level.

Patience is another tool which is also a God send in the marriage. A little patience in a marriage goes a long way. If your spouse is desperately trying to make a point, and you can see that they are getting upset; just sit back for a second and listen. This doesn't mean you're wrong by any means. Wisdom is having the patience to resist intolerance.

Remember, arguments must have two people to start. If one of the parties is calm and relaxed and also unthreatened, most of the time an argument is not in the future. All arguments are started because of a difference of opinion in one way or the other.

The image of self (or the ego) has been threatened and the whole fight begins all over again just because of your precious image of self. If you must argue try and argue smart and don't say things that you'll later regret.

My wife and I have always laughed over the old saying: "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." Oh how wrong that sentiment is. The wounds from the sticks and stones will eventually heal but sometimes hurtful words can hang around in our minds the rest of our lives.

These hurtful words seem to haunt us over and over reminding us of our failures. So the next time you get overheated, stop and think for just a second before you speak.