How to Fight Off Pirates

Used to be when you heard about pirates, you conjured images of Blackbeard, the Jolly Roger flag or most recently, the dashing ne'er-do-well Captain Jack Sparrow from "Pirates of the Caribbean."

My own experience with pirates only extends to a buccaneer who stole my beer in Lake Havasu during Spring Break and the charming rogue who lured my date onto his boat off the coast of Florida. Such is life on the (low) seas.

But a term that was hoped to be relegated to the dustbin of history has now resurfaced with bold attacks on commercial sailing vessels, and even more brazen, seizing a British couple's private yacht while touring the Indian Ocean.

Pirates are back, folks. And the script from their forefathers remains the same. They roam the open seas, loyal to no one, looking to board and capture riches and hostages.

True, most people don't own private yachts and if they do the odds of getting captured by a pirate must be around the same as being hit by lightening, winning the lotto and getting eaten by a shark. Simultaneously.

But should you test the waters of fate, even if you're not the swashbuckling type, here are a few tips on how to fight off pirates. Ah-hoy, Matey!

1 Stay in safe waters. Modern-day pirates are known to roam near the coast of Somalia. Avoiding those areas will substantially decrease your chances of an encounter. Disregard this advice if you are looking to write "How I Survived A Pirate Encounter."

2 Have a radio that works. If you can radio for help, you can at least increase your odds of rescue. Note: Avoid the horror-movie-at-sea cliché and don't include any freaks among your crew who might break the radio.

3 Don't carry anything onboard that you are not willing to part with. This is good advice for all mariners as weather is more likely a foe than pirates. A side note: Make sure to include in your boating insurance a sub-policy in case of pirate attack. If not available, invite your insurance agent on your next outing to the Somali coast.

4 Keep your distance on the open water. No matter how polite you are, should a small boat come your way, replace the thought "Strangers are just friends we haven't met" with "Stranger Danger! Stranger Danger!" And hit the gas!

5 Related to the above, make sure you have enough fuel to skedaddle out of there and make it to safe harbor. This is good advice always, lest I see your story on a "Lost at Sea" documentary.

6 You may consider keeping a gun onboard, but keep in mind a) that in the event of a pirate attack, you will be out-numbered and out-gunned and b) you must have a license to carry. Nothing funny here; guns are serious business.

7 Have SCUBA gear available and at the ready; better to deal with your odds in the sea than with low-life pirates who value your life as much as the cod they ate for dinner. This should go without saying, but know how to swim.

8 If possible, bring along a few friends from SEAL Team Six. Should you not have friends with death-defying kick-butt skills, bring your mother-in-law, instead. Allow her to shame the pirates into submission.

9 If boarded, don't panic - and give them what they want. Remember, your material goods can be replaced; the lives of you and your friends cannot. Downplay your own importance. If you are famous or rich, all the more reason for them to take you as a hostage. Claim you stole the boat.

10 If taken hostage, per the Missouri State University Safety and Transportation website, "Remain calm; don't speak unless spoken to and treat the captor like royalty." So for you married men, act like you normally do.

Source: Net