How to Find a Boyfriend

Do you really want a boyfriend? You know you don't need one. They're a lot of work. They take up your valuable time and they'd rather play Tecmo than go out to dinner. You really still want one? Okay, so you're starting to feel lonely. This seems like the perfect cure. Your friends are in relationships and you convince them night after night that you couldn't be happier single. They stay in and watch TV with their guy while you go out to bars and live the single life. What could be better? You're perfectly happy, playing the field, and know that the right guy is sure to come along. Tonight. Well, maybe this weekend. Or, hopefully by the time you turn 40. You've heard all the reasons relationships suck, but at this point, you're ready. As long as you're going into it for the right reasons, here are some ideas.

1) The first thing I'd suggest (Dr. Phil style) is reviewing successes and failures of previous relationships. Make a list of qualities you like and dislike. Do you only go for science nerds? Attractive jocks who like to party? Of course, their hobbies shouldn't be the only defining factors on this list. Think about their long term goals. Do the guys you date tell you right off the bat that they're not looking for marriage anytime soon? Do they tell you they'd never want kids? Or, they're commitment phobic? Decide your boundaries. Once you've finished step number one, you're ready for step number two.

2) Forget about the butterflies. They came from cocoons. In other words, you might be dating a cocoon. You might meet someone, very sweet smile and a little nervous. His lack of confidence actually makes you feel confident. In your first 5 minutes, you've decided that you can get him, or a guy like him, because he's not as experienced and isn't immediately rejecting you. Your biggest complaint is that he doesn't give you butterflies. And there's no chemistry. Once you can realize that butterflies are the result of infatuation, and fleeting emotions, you can move past this ludicrous talk. You can still have a passionate relationship without limiting yourself to arbitrary feelings. Sure it's hard to look past a guy you don't find attractive. But give him a chance! He may impress you and sweep you off your feet in no time. Don't turn down a cocoon before you've given him time to flourish.

3) Try new ways of meeting guys. It's a lot of work, but treat it like a job. Sign up for match.com, jdate, or peruse social rings like myspace. There are many success stories! And don't give up too soon, you never know if you'll meet the right guy on the very next date.

4) One more final cliché - often you'll find what you're looking for when you're not looking. Focus on yourself - take up the piano, sign up for dance classes. See where this leads you, and what new people you're meeting. You never know, you may hit it off with the IT guy at your Photoshop workshop. Happy Dating!