How to Find Out What Men Are Really Thinking

Have you ever had one of your frustrated girlfriends say this to you, "I just wish I knew what he was thinking."
I know, we have all been there. But I'm going to help the ladies of the world ease their troubled minds. Actually, it is very easy and simple to find out what men are thinking .... just ask them.

I have several male friends that I talk to on a regular basis about a number of issues, including politics, religion, currents affairs, and, of course, sex and relationships. It should be noted that our friendships are platonic (this is a really important point to make ... you'll see why later).

The three specific men that I'm using as examples for this article are involved in steady relationships with women they have known for several years. On many occasions, I have asked each one of them to help me understand the opposite sex and why they do what they do. Here is what they told me (ladies, please take notes).

What Attracted You To Your Current Partner?

She was kind and interested in me and my dreams. I was able to be myself around her (I didn't have to create a false persona). She made me laugh. I felt good about myself around her. She wasn't really critical about me or my choices. I could talk to her about anything.

I was struck how none of the men mentioned anything about the size of her breasts, her award-winning smile, her "apple bottom booty," or her flawless hair. Isn't it ironic how so many women invest great amounts of time, energy, and money on outward physical attributes because we think men are solely focused on our outward beauty?

What Keeps You Connected To Your Partner?

We keep the lines of communication open and clear -- if we have a problem, we talk it out. We have an open door policy -- we don't believe in holding a grudge. We clear the air and discuss our problems. We listen to each other. We do things together. We both participate in each other's lives and interests. We stay close to each other mentally, physically, and spiritually. We always make time for intimacy. We touch each other. We tell each other how we feel about our relationship. We touch in public. We honor and affirm each other.

Wow, more good stuff. These guys are great. Now, time for the really interesting questions.

Have You Ever Cheated On Your Partner?

Each man (sadly) answered, Yes.

Now, I'm confused. I couldn't understand how these men were so loving and understanding in one arena, and then turn around and have sex with someone else. I asked them to explain how this works, and this is what they told me.

Each time they had an outside sex partner, it was at a time when they didn't feel good about themselves because of something at work, a personal disappointment, or a setback of some sort. They all explained that it had nothing to do with the women in their lives ... it was all about them.

So I asked each guy did they see sex with a stranger as some type of remedy for a really, really bad headache or what? They all told me that they regretted the decision to get intimate with someone else because they knew they were not emotionally committed to their "on-the-side" lover -- not in the same way they were committed to their partner. I thought to myself, you guys are jerks! You are playing around with people's emotions because you had a bad day at the office. But, I contained myself so I could get more info.

So, I asked them how were they able to reconcile all of this emotional upheaval. All three said that they know how to separate the different components of their lives and not get them tangled or intertwined. In other words, they have different personalities for each setting: work, home, and on the street. And the three will never be in the same room together. Fascinating.

So, my final question to my guys was this:
Does Your Partner Know You Cheated On Her And Are You Still In Contact With The "Other Woman?"

They all believed their affairs have remained a secret. And as for the other women, they are no longer intimately involved with them, but they do see them from time-to-time at work or in the neighborhood.

So, What Can We Conclude From This Unscientific Study?

Men will tell you a lot of information (sometimes too much) if they don't sense you will use the information to gain leverage in the relationship. Translation: They felt comfortable revealing the details to me because I'm not in a position to judge them in a relationship and use the information to hold over them. This is why it's important to be true friends with a man before you get intimate with him ... you can get information about what he thinks and what makes him tick. Once you have an overview of the man, you can make a better (informed) decision about how much you're willing to put up with. And, I mean that in the most sincere way. Are you willing and able to take on his flaws when he makes a mistake? And, he will make a mistake because he's human --- we all are.

The other lesson we can learn is this. Men have affairs because they can and in most cases it has absolutely nothing to do with the woman they are involved with. It's him ... not you. I know that doesn't do much to ease the pain of infidelity, but perhaps this information will free someone from yo-yo diets, plastic surgery, and other forms of surgeries that promise to restore your virginity.

The bottom line is this. Take time to get to know people ( the good, the bad, and the ugly) before you get emotionally, physically, or financially entangled with them. Also, once you are in a relationship with that person, keep the lines of communication open, frequent, and clear. Stay close and intimate, but always remember that there's no guarantee that someone won't stray from home on occasion. And if they do, more-than-likely, it's not your fault or responsibility. You just have to decide how you will respond to the situation ... if you find out.

The comedian Chris Rock once said that "men are as faithful as their options." Well, in today's society, men (and women) have lots, and lots of options in front of them and at their computers. In this "get-it-now" age, what are your options and how faithful are you?

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