How to Find a Pot 'o' Gold and Set Leprechauns Free on St. Paddy's Day

Corned beef and cabbage. Green Beer and Drink-a-thons. Wee folks nipping at your nose. If you're lucky enough to be Irish, you're lucky enough.

Unless, that is, you make a bail agent a hundred dollars richer the morning after St. Paddy's Day.

Bail agents make a sweet killing during the St. Patrick's Day holiday. And the leprechauns they bail out are full of gratitude and blarney when told that they exist.

Those who have worked in the bail business know that work is slow during the weekdays, barring drug raids, or serial armed robberies. There are co-signers who call telling you that the "defendant" has taken off- and won't be appearing in court. When that happens a flurry of activity begins. A quick call to a recovery agent (not Dog, the Bounty Hunter - he is usually too busy), and a little skip tracing can bring the runaway back for his designated day in court.

However, these are not tasks that keep bail agents up all night rushing to the local jail, or city lock-up. They just don't put cool cash in their pockets. So, a bail agent looks towards the weekends with the calm gleam of greed in their eyes. Why is this? Well, most people get in lots of trouble during the weekend. Even career criminals keep regular hours. Regular people, those who are not habitual customers of the criminal justice system, drink more on the weekend, drive more on the weekends, and weave down the streets more on weekends. Especially during the St. Patrick's Day holiday.

Three types of individuals call or walk into a bail agent's office during this hallowed green occasion - and enrich the bail agent more than at any other time of year.

1) The Friends of the Poor Sucker: These are the guys who have been sitting around O'Sullivan's Pub throughout the night chugging green beer, toasting each other, and making trips to the john, for one reason or another. They have walked out to their cars, of course, not designating any driver at all - poor sucker gets in his car, pulls out and is immediately stopped by - Guess who? His friends watch the scene in horror. Sucker is arrested. Friends rush to the lock-up. "That poor sucker!" they exclaim. The friends run over to the bail office - recite their horrible tale to the bail agent - who could recite it verbatim to them. Bail Agent makes a call to the lock-up to find out how much the bail is. She tells the Friends. They fork over the money. Shamefaced and raucous at the same time--they wait for the bail agent to complete the paperwork and work her magic at the jail. When their friend is reunited with them there is a lot of good-natured kidding and jostling around. They all go home -maybe.

2) Distraught Mother (or) Girlfriend: Mother has been sitting at home reading a mystery novel. Her husband is away on a business trip. The house is quiet and peaceful. She is just about ready to go to bed when the phone rings. Her son is on the end of the line, telling her he has been arrested- drunk driving and is at the lock-up. She becomes hysterical. What should she do? She throws on some clothes and rushes out into the night and to the lock-up.

After talking with the friendly correction officers, she is told to go get a bail agent. She is also given directions. "The bail office is just across the street." The CO shakes his head as he watches her run out. "If he were my son, I would just let him sit it out." Mother rushes across the street passing a group of loudmouthed young men as she walks into the bail office. Mother immediately bursts into tears. Nothing this bail agent has not witnessed before. Mother goes over the events of the night. The bail agent nods and tries to act sympathetic. Bail agent calls over to the lock-up and gets the needed information. She is watching the Mother as she completes her call. Mother looks as if she might pass out - she is shaking and clenching her fists. "Why do I have to handle all of these situations?" She bursts out.

The bail agent has the Mother fill out all of the paperwork, tells her to have a seat and walks over to the lock-up. Both she and the CO start laughing and shaking their heads. Heartless? Sure. Numb to it? You bet. She looks up and sees the Mother standing in the hallway, pacing. Then, her son is led out into the hallway, as well. The mother throws her arms around him and leads him away. She sees her shake the boys arm. The bail agent walks back to her office.

3) The Unlucky Feller, Himself: Just as the bail agent approaches the office door, her cell phone goes off. It is a recent inmate of the city lock-up. He tells her that he has just been arrested for Public Intoxication. This is not the first time the inmate has been arrested - so he knows the score. He tells the bail agent that he has bail money in his "property". This means that the bail agent, if she wants to, can get the inmates stuff and remove the money she needs to bail him out. After this takes place, the inmate will sign all the papers and the transaction will be completed. Since this is a "minor" offense the bail agent decides to make a quick turnaround. She walks back over to the lock-up - gets the inmates money and bails him out. When he walks out, he gives her a big grin and is full of gratitude. They walk across the street where the feller' fills out his paperwork and wishes the agent a fond St. Paddy's Day.

Of course, these are pure generalizations. There are always individuals who do not fit the norm. It is a fact of bail life, though, that on St. Patrick's Day, The Poor Suckers, Distraught Mothers, and the Unlucky Fellers,themselves will pour into that 24/7 bail office - and the exultant bail agent will be pouring loads of cash into his pocket, as well.