How to Find the Right Man and Stop Picking the Wrong Ones

Everywhere you look these days, somebody is writing a book about self-esteem. Well it is true that self-esteem plays a big role in healthy relationships. I have experienced this in my own life as well. I have had failed relationships and ones that never actually got of the ground. And like you, I asked myself why. What is the reason that I seem to end up picking the wrong person so many times? At first it seems like everything is going well and then all of a sudden they stop calling or don't return your messages. And we always seem to blame ourselves for whatever went wrong. Well I have been doing a lot of research lately on men and relationships and have discovered that men are not as complicated as we think they are. Men are actually pretty basic, with basic needs and wants just like us. But different from us too.

Men are predatory and go after what they want, if they work in high powered jobs they are usually very successful. A good businessman knows how to go close the deal. Ask any guy, if they truly want something, is there anything that would prevent them from obtaining it? Would they just give up if it seemed to hard, no because they love a challenge. How about the guy who is really nice, but not your type who is always trying to get your number. He's determined. His goal is to get your number and take you out. And he will keep trying unless you tell him that your just not interested. As long as he thinks he has a chance, he will keep trying. This is what I mean by saying that if they want something, they will do whatever it takes to get it. The same is true with dating and relationships. If a guy is truly interested in you, he will make the effort to get a date with you. On the other hand, if he isn't all that interested he will make a move but then back off. Like giving you his number and saying" call me", you call him and the two of you talk for an hour about whatever, and then he doesn't call you after that. Or stops returning your text messages or phone messages and always says that he is "busy". Even a guy who is busy, can take 10 minutes out of his day to call a girl he likes to keep her interested in him.

We women are caring, nurturing and forgiving. Sometimes to a fault. We allow guys to make excuses, when they should really just say" hey, you're a great person but I just don't think this will work out". Instead they leave us hanging on but make excuses for not giving us their attention. They don't want to hurt our feelings by telling us that they simply aren't that interested anymore. We have been there with guys, sometimes you go out with a guy and he is sweet and polite but you can just tell that this isn't going to go anywhere. He's nice but just not what you want in a potential boyfriend. Men and women should just be able to say this without fear of hurting someones feelings. This is where good self-esteem comes in. We should be able to realize that we aren't every guys type, nor are they ours. Not every guy thinks Angelina Jolie is hot. She is pretty but maybe not his type. You are pretty but maybe just not his type. Don't take it personally.

Don't waste your time on a guy who doesn't make the effort. Yes, I believe in women being able to ask a guy out, flirt with them, etc. You can start it, but if he doesn't seem like he wants to finish the race, give it up and move on to the next contestant. We seem to invest our feelings way too soon, they we get hurt when a guy doesn't respond the way you want them too. If someone asks you out and you have a great time, but they don't make the effort to arrange for a second date within a reasonable period of time, assume that they are not that interested. Make a date with someone else. Value yourself more by not waiting by the phone for a call that may not come. Be busy, date a variety of men. But give yourself a period of time to date before making any commitment to a relationship. Maybe say 3-4 months of dating and if everything is going well then agree to have a relationship with that person. Within those 3-4 months you should be able to tell about their character, their habits, their undesirable habits and their weaknesses. this will keep you from making some bad decisions. We tend to want to rush into relationships too quickly, then things start to fall apart after we have begun to start having feelings for this person. We need to start making better choices to begin with.

Make a list of things you want in a boyfriend, character traits and etc. And make a list of things that you find intolerable in a relationship. Like a guy who is always late for dates, or whose apartment is always a mess or who is always broke. These are character flaws that will not change no matter how cute he is or how much you like him. If he has bad habits, he is not going to make a compatible boyfriend. Approach dating and picking a boyfriend, the same way you would if you were a manager hiring a new employee. Make a list of requirements that he must meet: Be on time, be respectful and courteous, call if he will be a few minutes late, able to support himself ( pays his own bills), goes out of his way to do nice things for people ( like bringing you a book he knows you might like reading) or just something like that. Something that shows you he is making an effort to get you to like him. Subsequently if a guy doesn't make an effort to call when he tells you he will, doesn't try to set dates up, or make the effort to see you when he can, don't waste your time trying to have a relationship with this guy because he isn't worth your time. Raise your standards and you will start dating a better quality of men. You'll be choosing the right guys to date instead of the wrong ones!

If you'd like to read more information, I'd suggest getting the book " He's just not that into you" by Liz Tuccillo. And The Law of Attraction. You may be able to find these at your local library or any good bookstore. They will give you a lot of good information.