How to Find the Strength to Leave a Bad Relationship: the First Steps
The first step to finding the strength to leave a bad relationship is to stop playing "the blame game" and start understanding the situation.
Playing "the blame game" leaves you in a comfortable role - the victim. It is not your fault that you are treated this way. The problem with this is that the victim role is a self-fulfilling prophesy. Victims are the ones who don't have control of the situation, which also means that they don't have the control to change a bad relationship. It is easy to feel that you can't leave this bad relationship, because you are not in control.
Now is the perfect time to start to understand the situation. It will be much easier for you to find the strength to leave the bad relationship once you do. Here are some ideas of questions to ask yourself to help you understand your situation:
Am I happy?
Do I feel loved and supported?
Is this my idea of a healthy relationship?
Do I feel that I deserve this treatment, and if so, why?
Why do I feel that I need to stay in this relationship?
What do I give up/miss by being in this relationship?
Is that reason for staying worth what I give up by being in this relationship?
Use these and other questions to start understanding the situation of your relationship. This is the first place that you can begin to find the strength to leave a bad relationship.
Once you start to understand the situation, you can begin to see that you don't have to be a victim. You can have control. The next step, finding support, will help you really see that you can have control. Taking control is what really brings the strength to leave a bad relationship.
If you are trying to find the strength to leave a bad relationship, the first kind of support you will need is emotional support. If you are unsure of where to turn for support, you can start with a hotline or support group.
Another thing that I have learned is that you shouldn't be afraid to turn to family or friends for support. Even if you haven't talked a lot in a while, they still care.
Your emotional support people can help you figure out what other support you may need. This is a good time to return to the questions you asked yourself before taking control of your relationship situation.
Supportive people are great for helping to see why you don't deserve to be in a bad relationship. If you are having trouble believing them, ask for concrete examples rather than subjective opinions. Counseling is also an option for helping to restore the self esteem damaged caused by bad relationships.
You will also need to focus on the other sort of support that you need to leave the bad relationship. It is hard to find strength when you feel trapped. Think about what makes you feel that you need to stay in this relationship.
Brainstorm with your support people. There must be other ways to meet the needs that you have. Seeing that you can have what you need from somewhere else will help you gain more of the strength that you need to leave the bad relationship.
Taking these first few steps can be one of the most difficult things that you may ever do. Beginning to find the strength to leave a bad relationship won't suddenly make leaving an easy thing, either. Look to the bigger picture to stay focused. You are taking the first, very important, steps. You are finding the strength to leave a bad relationship.
Published by S. M. Bendock
Ah, *stretch*, a life of ease elludes me. I love people, music, reading, writing, football, and nature. I love to debate and can usually see both sides of any topic. View profile
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32 Comments
Post a CommentI have been with my husband for over twelve years. We have fought most of it. I have worked, taken care of the kids and his grandfather with no help. I have left and continue coming Back. I want him to leave, I have told him, I don't want to be with him. I just want this to be as easy on my kids as possible, but he is making it hard. He try's to make me feel like I'm crazy for wanting him to leave. He dose not know why I want a divorce. He is very immature and I need to be in a mature relationship. HOW CAN I MAKE HIM LEAVE AND STAY GONE?
i been with the same guy almost 6 years he lied the whole relationship now he claims he changed but i dont see it to much bull and hurt to keep going thru dont know why i stay year after year im starting to really not care anymore and get out of this just waiting
Leaving a bad relationship is like trying to quit smoking. Once you make up your mind, don't look back. I just left a relationship of 5 months and I totally fell for this guy and he was the first in 10 years since my husband passed away. I took a moment to step back, because I knew I had doubts. Always listen to yourself. Remember who will take the best care of you? YOU!
you make it sounds so easy..but with a son that is ill and no job,no car kept as a prisioner that i cant even hang out with my own kids..then there is name callings...he puts me down all the time..i raised his kids since they were 6mos,3 yrs and 18mos..and he now tells them not to listen to me that im not their mother...i feel so used and worthless...please help me there is more to my life..i have nooone
I'm in a bad relationship right now; I think my boyfriend is a sex addict and is in denial about it. I caught him emailing prostitutes on craigs list;he had set up 2 diff email accounts. We;ve been together for 11yrs or so, we live together. He swears he never met up with anybody, so now we;re in therapy. He says he is not a sex addict, which in a way makes things worse, to me it means he knew what he was doing, it's not like he has an uncontrollable disease. My bday was this past saturday and it was the worst bday Ive ever had. we got into this huge fight, and just seeing his reaction and how he was screaming and losing it on me made me realize for the 1st time in many years, that I might be at the end of the ride here. With the holidays coming up, this makes things worse, as its usually the case, my family thinks he is the greates man ever. My therapist is on vacation until 12/13. I hate my life right now. I have a very good job, thank god, but it's very demanding and I&
I am still in a bad relationship, it has been 6 years of verbal and other abuse and I can't seem to find the strength to leave, I don't have alot of support from family or friends anymore because I have been to stupid to leave after they told me to so they dont bother with it anymore
you know its always hard to find the strength to leave i have been in a horrible relationship for 2 years verbal and physical abuse and i finally took a stand for myself and it felt amazing it was the hardest thing i have ever done but i did it
your thoughts are definately on point. Funny how were able to see the bad relationship our friends are in but unable to see our own BAD situation. Its so sad that we really do believe its our FAULT...
Am I happy? Sometimes, but not often
Do I feel loved and supported? no
Is this my idea of a healthy relationship?no
Do I feel that I deserve this treatment, and if so, why? No
Why do I feel that I need to stay in this relationship? For my kids, so they can have things, do things, see things that I cannot give them on my own.
What do I give up/miss by being in this relationship? my happiness
Is that reason for staying worth what I give up by being in this relationship?
It has to be.
im trying to find the strength within myself now to cut all ties in this relationship that i have been in for 4 yrs to long. i dont really have alot of support so im depending on myself to follow through %3F wish me luck%0D%0A