How to Fire Someone: Respectful Tips and Exact Verbiage for Managers

I remember the first time I was asked to terminate an employee. I dreaded it. I knew it would happen eventually, me having to "let someone go," when I became a manager. I just never expected to feel so ill equipped. So, I did what any new manager would do. I went to my boss for advice.

My boss was great and she recommended that I stick to the facts, avoid apologizing and keep it short. Good advice. But, when I got back to my office I started thinking, "Shoot, how exactly do I start the conversation. I forgot to ask that. I also forgot to ask how to end it. I need verbiage!" My boss was unavailable for the rest of the day so I circulated the office and sought the counsel of a few experienced and well-respected manager-friends.

The tips I got that day, I clung to for years as a manager. If you are confronted with the uncomfortable task of firing someone, perhaps these bits of experience and useful verbiage will help you as much as they helped me.

The Setting
I had an office adjacent to my entire team. If you have a set up such as this, do not have the termination meeting in your office. Set up the meeting with the employee on neutral ground, like a conference room. This setting is more conversational and less threatening. In addition, if the employee is upset, they won't have to leave the meeting facing the curious eyes of their coworkers.

The Time
Obviously, once terminated, an employee is asked to leave, which can be very emotion filled and humbling. Conduct the meeting at a time the employee will not be embarrassed or allowed to make a scene when leaving. For example, have the discussion prior to lunch - so they can clean out their desk when no one is around, or at the end of the day. The goal is not to humiliate the employee, simply to separate and smoothly transition them out of the office.

Your Protection
It is not always easy to predict how someone will act to the news of losing their job. Sometimes it is a very good idea to bring in someone from HR, or a fellow manager to witness the meeting. Often, employees know their manager well and may feel like this is a discussion or entitled to debate. The employee may less prone to argue and more apt to "hold it together" if there are two people present (one of those people being less familiar.) And, if the conversation becomes difficult, you have an ally in the room who will step in if necessary to keep things progressing and calm.

Kick Off: Stick to the Facts
Most employees know when they are failing. If you have coached them and reviewed their performance, the termination should not be a surprise. So, a good way to start the conversation is to ask the employee, "Do you know why we are here today?" Hopefully, the employee will be able to identify that the discussion is about performance.

If the employee cannot identify the problem, state it for them, "This is about your performance." This is when sticking to the facts comes in to play. In a termination, this means stating three things: the employee's goals, their personal performance, the result of their performance.

Verbiage should be as simple as, "The goals we discussed when you were hired were A, B and C. Your performance was ____. We discussed your performance on (dates) ___, ___ and ___. And we discussed the consequence of your performance. Today, the result of your performance is Termination of employment. That is why we are here today."

That is a tough couple of sentences, but there is no avoiding the task. So saying it clearly and quickly is the fastest way to get the cards on the table. In addition, "Sticking to the facts" also means keeping all "feeling" based words and wishy-washy words OUT of the conversation. Words like, "I think," I feel," "usually," "probably" and "maybe" should not be uttered by the manager. Unclear verbiage and feeling-based words can lead to unwanted and unnecessary discussion.

What Now?
Saying "The result is termination" tends to make everyone in the room uncomfortable. So, follow the blow by stating the obvious. "Look, this is a really uncomfortable conversation...so, I am going to try and get through these next few things as quick as possible. In fact, I brought a quick checklist."

The company I worked for recommended a checklist because it kept a termination conversation very focused. It doesn't have to be an enormous list of things to talk about, just easy matters of business such as the returning of a uniform, badge, keys, cell phones, or laptop. The list could also include things the employee might ask about like, when they will get their final check and how?

Make a copy of the checklist for the employee and hand it to them when you begin to review your list. This will divert their attention to the paper and offer them something to look at if they want to avoid eye contact. Once the items on the checklist are covered, be clear about their exit plan.

Try this statement, "Now, if you don't have any questions, you will want to go back to your desk, collect your items and exit out the front." That statement is cold and hard to take, but there is not much you can say to soften the blow at this point. You may offer some humanity by saying something like, "I definitely can help you carry anything, or get you a box if you need one."

As you end the conversation, STAND. Standing is an obvious indication that the conversation is ending. As the manager, take the lead to queue the employee that it is time to go. Most employees want to go. In fact, they probably would have left already if given the chance.

The Confrontation
Sadly, not all terminations end without confrontation. If an employee argues, simply state, "We have run this by HR and the decision has been made." No matter what is said, repeat that sentence. By not saying anything else, there isn't anything the employee can argue. With repetition of this statement, you are shutting down the conversation and it will end. It may not end well, but it will end a lot faster and will not turn into an argument.

Lastly, remind yourself that it is about the business, it isn't personal. That can be tough when you're dealing with people, really tough. But one thing is certain, if you are respectful of the employee in set up, stick to the facts, state the obvious and use a checklist...the conversation may go more smoothly than you expect.

As a manager of others, I never liked terminating anyone, but it did come with the territory. And like many challenging moments, I always learned something myself. Termination was always a reminder to me of the importance of supporting people through clear expectations, attentive coaching and careful documentation. But mostly, I was reminded that just because someone fails at a task, doesn't make them a failure. They are still a person with gifts and feelings and if we treat people with respect, we usually get it.