How to Be Firm with Your Children Without Yelling

Being firm with your children is essential when it comes to establishing rules and guidance. Using a firm voice provides children with a warning; it lets them know that you are not satisfied with their current behavior. Surprisingly, many parents are unsure of how to use their firm voice and take to yelling which brings on its own set of consequences. Below is a simple guide that will tell you how to correctly use your firm voice with children.

Using a firm voice does not mean yelling. A firm voice is just a slight change in tone. To use your firm voice you can slightly elevate your voice and deepen. While doing this you want to speak in a right now, serious tone. When using your firm voice it is important to stay calm. You don't want to frighten your child; you just want to catch his attention.

Before using your firm voice it is important to go to your child and kneel down to him or her. Be sure that you are looking into your child's eyes. This is called leveling yourself. Children respond much better when you are at their height, looking into their eyes.

Use your firm voice when children do not listen to your requests such as to stop hitting, yelling, or not picking up their toys. When speaking, keep the sentences brief such as, "Please clean up your toys." or "Clean up your toys right now." Be sure to explain to your child why they must follow your requests. For example, "Please come and wash your hands, so that you can eat dinner." "Please pick up your toys because, everything has a place." Or "Please clean up your toys because your room is messy." When using your firm voice do not put down or demean your child, stay in the present and focus on what is happening now. Focus on what you would like to happen at the moment. Do not bring up stuff that your child has done in the past. For instance, if your child has left her toys sprawled out on the floor (and she has done this before) don't say to her, "You always leave your toys everywhere." Or "You are always so messy." Stick to the present and simply say, "Please pick up your toys, so that your room will be clean."

In order to remain firm you must let go of anger. Yes, it can get very frustrating to call out to your child and she does not answer. So before you approach your child take a deep breath and count backwards from 10 to 1.

Be sure to have your own ears open to listen to your child. You want to be firm but kind so that means being able to talk to your child when she asks you a question. Refrain from using sarcastic commentary or from mocking your child.

Remain insistent, say what you mean and mean what you say. Sure this phrase is cliché but many parents do not follow it. Do not use your firm voice to tell your kid to clean up his room and then a few minutes later (seeing that he has complied) go and finish cleaning the room for him. Always follow through with what you say.

A firm voice alerts children to stop what they are doing and follow the rules given. When a firm voice is used properly most children will willingly respond. Spanking does not have to be the resolution to a child who seems to not want to listen.

Signs that you are yelling and not using your firm voice;

Remember, a firm voice is calm voice not a yelling one.

If you find that your throat is hurting then you have been yelling.

If you find that you feel upset or angered at how you handled the situation then you were most likely yelling.

When you use your firm voice you should not feel guilty inside but justified.

If your children cry when you speak to them, this could mean that they are uncomfortable with your tone of voice. Calm down speak kindly, firmly, and clearly. (A crying child does not always mean that you are using the wrong tone.)