How to Fix Your Tween's Rude Behavior

Tweens, while growing up, and easing into the teenager years, often rebel with rude behavior, which is normal. It's very common for tweens to defiance, rebellion, temper tantrums, back talking and restlessness as they are trying to become more independent. However, there are some discipline tips you can consider if your tween's behavior is just too rude!

1. Avoid Criticizing Your Tween - Many tweens go through style changes - hair and clothing styles, music preferences, activities, friends, and even philosophies. These are ways your tween is attempting to become independent - and that means indepenedent from you, too! These are normal changes your tween will make, and as long as he/she isn't harming him/herself or others, don't step in! Allow your tween to gain his/her independence and individuality.

2. Start Treating Your Tween as an Adult - As your tween is growing up and becoming more independent, you can start treating him/her more like an adult. Listen to him/her, without judging, and try to recognize and understand his/her feelings and why your tween exhibits rude behavior. Your tween is likely going through some emotional changes at this time. So, you should try to be understanding and comforting. Provide guidance to your tween, but don't make his/her decisions for him/her.

3. Maintain Rules - Each household needs rules, even if your tween doesn't want them! Make sure your rules and the consequences are clear, yet make sure your tween also has some freedom. For example let them listen to that new album by their favorite band, but don't let them blast the music in their room. Also, make sure your tween does his/her share of household chores. This is an important part of independence and growing up that will help you and your tween.

4. Use "I" When Talking with Your Tween About Rude Behavior - Saying "I don't like when you use those words," is a lot less condesceding than, "You can't say that!" Tweens often rebel more and become defensive when you use commands directed at them. Try to not use anger or shouting when combatting his/her rude behavior. Shouting is generally unacceptable when your teen speaks with other adults, so you should teach him/her and lead an example not to shout.

5. Give Your Tween Personal Space - Don't invade your tween's privacy or your tween will likely rebel even more and become more secretive. If your tween doesn't want to talk something, let it go. He/she will usually talk when he/she is ready and/or the problem will pass by. Likely, your tween would prefer to talk to his/her friend about what's troubling him/her anyway.

6. Don't Let Your Tween Cross the Boundaries - Sure you may be surprised by a sexual or rude joke or comment your tween says, but these are normal. You must, however, make sure your tween doesn't cross too many boundaries, like telling a rude or condescending joke to a person of authority or another adult. It's normal for tween girls and boys to joke with each other, but don't let their rude behavior cross the boundaries.

7. Make Time for Your Tween - Your tween may seem like they want nothing to do with their parents some days, but when they do, you should be there. It's normal for your tween to want to do activities with friends and forget about how they used to do activities with their family. Yet, still try to ask your tween if he/she wants to do anything with the family (and make sure your tween goes to family functions), and if your tween ever asks you to do an activity with them or help them with something, make sure you do. Being there for your tween when he/she needs you will help your tween to realize your good relationship after all and thus, limit their rude behavior towards you and others.

8. Show and Teach your Tween Compassion - By showing your tween compassionate behavior and kindness, they will learn to exhibit compassion themselves and limit rude behavior. This may, of course, take time, but tweens do follow what they see. Lead an example for your tween by respecting others. Your tween will learn from your example and be compassionate and respectful to others themselves.