How to Flirt and Get Stuff

Every girl in the world wants to be a flirt and get stuff. Yes, even the ones who deny it. (It wouldn't be fun if they didn't.) Just to see what they can get away with. Well, How to Be a Flirt and Get Stuff should be read by girls and boys; girls, so you'll know how to use your feminine powers; boys, so you'll know what these girls are up to. They're always up to something.

SHOW THE GOODS. Every girl has the ability to flirt and get stuff, because every girl has a physical attribute that some dumb guy loses his brain over. The trick is to find that group of guys and show it off to them. Simple, right? Yep. To be a flirt, just give them a taste of what they like, but don't give it to them. Unbutton one more button. Thigh high boots gets em every time. Smile and say something sexual and don't let on that you know what you just did. "Oops, I dropped my fork. Now don't you dare look down my dress while I'm down there. You bad boy." Watch his mouth unhinge.

WARM UP. After you've warmed him up with words, move to a little physical flirting. Brush up against him gently; again, not letting him know that you know what you just did. Do things that only a girlfriend would do, and act like you're doing them in a friendly way. For instance, because his jaw is unhinged from Step 1, he will probably be drooling all over you. Wipe his mouth with a napkin. Actually, this works even better if he's not literally drooling. Cuz you just called him out, made sexual suggestion, and empowered yourself at his expense all at the same time. Bonus!

ASK. Now before he starts acting like a rabid dog, now that you've flirted all the blood from his brain, it's time to get stuff. The way to ask is just like how you've been flirting -- not directly. You express a need, rather than ask him to do something. For instance --
"That's such a nice car, that S550 Mercedes you were telling me about. I've never driven one before? What's it like? Are you good at teaching?" Leading him on. It's a thing of beauty.