How to Make Friends Quickly

Friendship is one of the most rewarding aspects of life. A good friend can make life a lot easier; a trusted friend at work can help you find the right promotion, career, or contact you need to succeed.

Although it may sound obvious, there is an art to friendship. "Acquiring" friends takes time and effort; keeping loyal friends takes even more effort. It is important to put yourself before others, but good friends also look out for the interest of others. Being a good friend means sacrificing your own interests for the needs of the other person -- as long as it doesn't negatively impact you.

The actual process of making friends could be condensed into three steps. They are:

1. Establish value bridges -- Find out what you and the other person have in common. If this is a career-related friendship, perhaps you work in the same department or share a hatred for the same boss. (Incidentally, your friendship probably should not be based on mutual hatred of someone! Keep it positive, or the person will subconsciously associate you with those negative feelings tied to the person they can't stand.)

Perhaps you have a common hobby, favorite actor or actress, or the same favorite sports team. It is rare to find someone who has absolutely nothing in common with you -- be patient and you'll find common ground eventually.

2. Trust them -- Friendship is a two-way street. If the other person "opens up" to you with privileged information about their work or personal life, reciprocate by offering something about you that is not common knowledge.

3. Respect boundaries -- Just because you have made a new friend does not mean you have found a no-fee therapist. The best friendships can last for many years because both parties realize there are boundaries. For example, you don't go out with your best friend's girlfriend. This is an obvious example, but there are far more subtle ones: don't apply for the same exact job as your friend (competition like this can lead to resentment) and don't burden your friend with grueling details about your past. Although it is fine, and recommended, to create a level of trust -- it is also important not to abuse this trust. Don't call your friend at 3am on a Tuesday simply because you are bored, especially if he has work the next morning. A "casual" approach ot friendship is often fine, but disrespecting boundaries can lead to problems.

Finally, be a good listener. Anyone can talk about themselves all day long, but it takes a great friend to actually listen and provide good feedback when necessary.