How You, Friends and Television Influence Your Children

Have you ever heard a parent say, "I just don't know where he gets that from?" All the while you are thinking, "You just did that." That is right. We influence our children by our every action and word. We teach our children both negative and positive behaviors through out the day. But, we are not the only ones who influence our children. Their friends, your friends, the TV, and you influence our children. Often these influence come across as rewards.

Negative Rewards from Friends

Sometimes bad behavior is rewarded by friends or playmates. For instance: Your child and the neighbors are taking turns on a bike. Your child feels like the neighbor is on the bike too long. Frustrated he starts whining and yells at the neighbor to get off. The neighbor gets off the bike, handing it to his friend. What has your child learned? He has learned that if he whines and yells that he will get what he wants. Friends and playmates are a big influence on children. Structuring playtime will stop this frustration and with you there each child will know to go to you to solve any problems.

Negative Rewards from Your Friends

Inviting friends over is an easy way to keep in touch while watching your child. But, when your friends are there with your child they are learning from them. For instance: Your two year old is learning to walk. You want to show your friends how well she is doing and put her down to toddle about. In the excitement she runs as fast as her toddling feet will carry her. She stumbles over her own feet and lands on the sleeping dog. The toddler looks up at you surprised at the sudden fall as the dog runs off. Your friend burst into laughter. Your two year old realizes that now she has both your attention and your friends. She burst into laughter as well. A few minutes later the dog returns and relaxes again. Now the toddler approaches the dog and falls onto him on purpose. She turns around expecting your response. You both laugh as you say not to fall on the dog. What did your toddler learn? She learned that falling on the dog makes your friend laugh, getting attention from you and her. You may believe that the little phrase, "Don't fall on the dog." will stop her from doing it again. But actions speak louder than words. A new pattern has begun.

Talk to your Friends

Talk to your friends about the behavior you are developing with your child. Tell her what is acceptable and not. Explain your way of disciplining. Your friend most likely will comply. She wants your time together to be enjoyable as much as you. Point out that by keeping discipline the same you will have more time together. By talking to your friend you will allow open communication. She may even be able to give you some pointers even if she has no children. Often it is hard to see your own down falls. Ask your friend for constructive criticism. This may not only help you but it may help them see how serious that you are.

The TV has Changed

When the TV first started there were laws to keep the shows moral as there are today. Morality at that time on the TV was: husbands and wives slept in separate beds, no cursing, even the "call girls" had full-length dresses. Over the years mortality has changed. Slowly the skirts got shorter, there was more sex, cursing and violence.

By age 18 an American child will have seen 16,000 simulated murders and 200,000 acts of violence.

Television alone is responsible for 10% of youth violence.

Modern music lyrics have become increasingly explicit concerning sex, drugs, and violence against women. http://judiciary.senate.gov/oldsite/mediavio.htm

TV Influences

Over the past 40 years more than 1,000 studies covering the effects of television and film violence have come to the same conclusion:

Television and film violence leads to real-world violence. Have you ever seen your child or another child imitate a character on TV? What about you? Have you ever imitated what you watched?

When I was a teen my nephew and I were watching a show. There was a commercial for a new karate movie. My nephew of 2 years old stood up quickly swinging his hands and his foot in the air. He then fell on top of me saying, "Waaaa".

Limiting and choosing TV will help your child choose between right and wrong. Along with that, teaching them while you are watching will help. For instance, "Hitting is not right. It hurts others." Remember you are the most influential part of your child's life. To him you know everything.

You are the biggest influence in your child's life.

You are the biggest influence in your child's life. No matter if you are home all day or just a few hours children naturally look to you for whom they are. From birth you they depended on you for everything. You brought them their food, drink, and changed their diapers. A child learns how to act from his mother just like a lion cub learns to catch its prey from his mother. You have an advantage above all other influences. You have the ability to teach and show your child what is the right thing to do.

You have watched you child go from not being able to hold a bottle to getting on a bike and riding with his friends. During that time you have also watched his personality and character develop. You have seen some things that you want to change and some things you would never change. Help your child become the best that they can in all aspects of life by putting positive influences all around him.