How to Frustrate a Spirit Guide

I was talking to a writer friend of mine from Associated Content on the phone. Again, I have said this before, but I am always amazed how friendships form on social media sites. This woman and I bonded almost immediately. There was a connection that I cannot describe. In her photo, I could feel friendship exude.

I know it sounds "new agey", but that's the feeling I got. In fact, there are several people whose connection cannot be denied. Some of these friends just make me giggle; some make me feel good that I have talked to them or emailed them that day; others drive me crazy to the point where I might have to take up smoking, and you know who you are, and God, you are so freaking frustrating! Oh, I'm sorry did I go off? Anyway, everyone pretty much knows how they fit into my life.

So, I was talking to this woman who is a psychic - a bona fide, police-helping, gentle, spirit hearing psychic. Now, I bring this up because psychic stuff has always fascinated me. I believe people have gifts that give them a view to other planes or other dimensions or whatever is out there - a view that many of us probably do not get because we are too logical or cynical or whatever. In this particular conversation with my friend, we were talking about spirit guides and I said,

"I do try to listen for my spirit guide, but all I get is a loud static."

There was a pause and then a distinct snicker from the other end of the phone.

"Okay, your spirit guide has been trying to communicate with you your entire life. She is saying that you do not sit still for more than 30 seconds at a time, so you cannot hear her. YOU HAVE TO SLOW DOWN!"

Well, I was scolded from the other side - that's a new one! As we talked some more, I started to think about that "intuition" voice inside me and the close calls I have had. Perhaps my spirit guide has truly helped me avoid disaster, so I made a promise that I would sit for a few minutes a day and try and let my spirit guide in. For the record, in case anyone is wondering I have friends who are psychiatrists at Ivy League teaching hospitals, and they will vouch for me in a court of law that I am sane. It does not matter what I have on them that might force this testimony, but they will declare me sane in the legal sense of the word.

As we continued to talk about my experiences and who my spirit guide is and what she looked like, I wondered in what areas of life my spirit guide could help me out, so I came up with a short list of questions which might illustrate the advantages of listening to a spirit guide.

Spirit Guide, can you help me find my keys every time I lose them?

As soon as I spoke these words, a voice inside said "Get a damn basket and put it by the front door. As soon as you walk in, drop your keys in the basket. This saves you the trouble of turning your house upside down each time you lose them. I try and tell you where they are, but again you go at such a frenzied state all the time, you don't stop to hear me." (At this point, I am not sure if that was my spirit guide talking or my mother yelling at from New Jersey. To be honest, it could be both.

Spirit Guide, can you cook dinner?

I didn't get a response. I'm taking this to mean that she might have loftier duties than making my meals. Okay, I get that. I would think the spirit guide position comes with certain perks and not having to do household chores is one of those perks. But in my spirit guide's defense, it is funny how when I do not feel like cooking, one of many restaurant fliers or ads finds its way to my desk or kitchen table. So, while she might not literally cook, she does get people to cook for me.

Spirit Guide,can you tell me the best way to go so I avoid traffic?

Now, I can attest to traffic guidance. There have been many times where for some unknown reason, I have changed my normal route to wherever I have been going. I can tell you that for no explainable reason, I have exited off highways early or decided to take a different road and found out later that there were accidents.

A few weeks ago, I had this strong feeling to buy a GPS system for my car. Could this feeling have been the work of my spirit guide? Having been with me for my entire life, she has to know that my sense of direction - let's just say it - sucks. I don't know north from south or left from right. Perhaps, she thought the GPS would be an extra weapon for me to use since I also tend to panic when I am lost and when one panics, one shuts down the communication between spirit guide and human, and in my spirit guide's defense again, why would she hang around to hear me spew a bunch of really bad expletives as I am trying to find my way back to the road I am supposed to be on? Yeah, I could see her telling me about the GPS.

I have many occurrences where I think my spirit guide would be or has been helpful, and I feel badly because I don't want to wear her out. I think she has her hands full with me. I can't be an easy assignment. I wonder if spirit guides get together to vent about their charges - sort of like a spirit guide lounge or support group. I wonder if they show video about how we all screw things up even after they tell us to do something 20 times. I must be the star in the "Spirit Guide's Best Bloopers" reel pretty often.

So, Spirit Guide, I thank you for your patience, and I will try to sit for a few minutes a day to listen to what you say. My family will tell you that is an impossible feat unless you tie me down, but I will give it a go. Maybe it will give you time to relax too. Here's to a new age of happy communicating!