How to Make Frustration Work for You and Not Against You

The media today bombards us with what psychological health should be like - ranging from issues to dealing with family problems, personal issues, relationships, emotional relationships and more. One of the biggest issues discussed is how to deal with emotions in a healthy manner. But is dealing with "negative" emotions as cut and dry as the media makes it, and are "negative" emotions such a bad thing?

Emotions on their own are not positive or negative - it is how we deal with them, makes them positive or negative. For example, you may have a day that leaves you frustrated. But is that really bad? Not necessarily. If you lose your temper and take out your emotions it can be, but if you take those same emotions and deal with them you can learn from the experience.

So how do you turn that day into something positive? First you have to stop what you are doing and thinking for a moment or two, and ask yourself one important question - why are you frustrated? Don't accept the first answer that comes to mind. Really think about why you are feeling that way. For example, I was having difficulty building a website for a project I wanted to start. So I blamed the program for everything, got incredibly frustrated at the situation, and as a result got nothing done. In fact I frustrated myself even more thinking about all the time I lost being upset about the issue.

So I took a moment (more like 10 minutes) and stepped away from the computer. I sat down with a piece of paper and started to write down the reasons why I was so upset over my project not going as planned. My first scribbles were related to the website - but eventually began to veer away from that train of thought. I finally realized I was not mad at the site malfunctioning - I was overwhelmed and tired. I didn't realize that the overtime I was working was making me feel like I had limited free time, and I was mentally and physically exhausted. In essence, I was overwhelmed and felt I had no time for me and what I wanted.

I decided to take a walk, go to the park, ordered dinner out, and read a book. When I worked on my site the next day, everything went seamlessly. In fact it was better than I thought it would be. Once I found the real reason I was upset, I dealt with the issue - and my frustration and anger at the situation helped me produce a better result.

Being fustrated is the psychological way for the body telling you it needs a "time out" for some reason or another. So the next time you are feeling this way follow these steps:

1. Walk away from the source of frustration

2. Ask yourself - why am I fustrated?

3. Keep asking the same question, the first reason is never the real one

4. Find the real reason - are you tired, or stressed about something that you can not control?

5. What can you do to fix the situation?

6. Should the situation be fixed or are you simply overwhelmed?

7. Will taking some time away (10 minutes to the day) ease the tension?

8. What can I do to be proactive in fixing the situation?

If you fix the situation, you find the source of the frustration and realize why it is impacting you in that manner. These emotions can be positive - if I hadn't been upset, my site probably would not have turned out as well as it did. This is because I was unaware of underlying thoughts that could have sabotaged what I was working for. Remember, you can always change and control your emotions and situation - they do not have to control you.