How to Have Fun with Deathly Hallows Spoilers

After I first heard people's tales of spoiler harassment and being too paranoid to open their mail, I just thought it was all quite funny that so many people were living in fear of doing something as mundane as reading the newspaper.

Then, yesterday, I received an email containing a link that I rather carelessly clicked. And there it was, in size 72 font, "In Deathly Hallows such-and-such happened and then so-and-so dies on page..." Thankfully, I can't (and don't want to remember) what the details were exactly--probably because I've tried so hard to push it out of my mind--but it was a close call.

But as devastating as it would be to have major plot points in Deathly Hallows spoiled for you, dealing with possible spoilers is half the fun of anticipating such a huge book release. The threat of spoilers has been hyped so much that you half expect someone to jump out from behind a rock and shout, "HARRY DIES ON PAGE 4!"

Everyone already has (or will soon have) their spoiler stories to tell, and they sound like wars against evildoers in order to preserve your ignorance of the book. You hear things like, "We'll have to fight it for just 2 more days, folks, we're almost there!"

Of course, the best way to win against those who insist on ruining the world's happiness is to just completely ignore them and not give them the attention that they crave. Maybe become a misanthrope until you finish the book. But you would deprive yourself of all the fun and excitement and activity that comes with the danger of being spoiled--when you're more prepared for it.

God forbid someone in the bookstore tomorrow night doing the despicable just minutes before hundreds of children and I get our books. If you'll be at Borders, I'll be the one armed with earplugs and a Louisville Slugger.