How to Have Fun with Telemarketers

I have an unlisted number and I am on the no call list. You would think that would eliminate the telemarketing calls, but it doesn't. For one thing many of those calls are generated from overseas and our laws do not apply. Secondly, most of these callers are speaking global English and may not be very proficient. They are reading from a script. They don't respond to gentle nuances and keep on talking. Thirdly, if you make the mistake of answering a call you number goes on a list as a working number and it sold to hundreds of other companies.

I was having some fun for Halloween when I put a message on my voice mail: "gypsy put a curse on you and turn you into spider...." My mother had a fit when two week into November I hadn't taken the crazy message off my phone. But, I was genuinely surprised by the drop in the number of calls. This was not just a drop in the number of messages, because many telemarketing companies do not leave messages. But the, was a drop int he number of calls.

So, I have decided to have some fun. Instead of avoiding the telemarketing calls I now look forward to how much insanity I can think up. You can can explore some of my crazy ideas or find something humerus that works for you. These things will work and you will not have to turn your phone off to avoid the invasion of privacy. In fact it may be helpful if the rest of the world thinks that them Yanks are a "have a few Kangaroos loose on the paddock." When you are predictable, you are easily manipulated...marketing spends billions to learn how predictable we are...

For those those who have bought into the whole myth that "we should all play NICE ." You can can simply ask the caller to hold on a minute and set the phone down. When you hear the dial tone you know to place the phone on the cradle. To be sure, this is a temporary fix. They will call back, and your number will be on a long list.

I have tried doing my best "Susie Wong" routine: "Harro, Joe no here." It doesn't matter what they say, you just keep repeating the mantra "Joe no here." You are less apt to be added to hundreds of calling lists.

Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of dealing with teenagers knows the joy of passive aggressive behavior. It doesn't matter what the question is the response is a surly and monotone "I don't know." Even if you don't have the visual, they can see you shrug you shoulder's, and stare at your feet.

Being a female I love to tell the caller I have taken a little blue pill and I am raring to go. You can moan an talk about the benefts you gain from a purchase from the last telemarketer. (This is very confusing to foreign callers that are hearing a female voice...) Start whistling Dixie....

When the caller is selling any kind of medication, I ask how long they have been dealing drugs. (You might want a little public information here. Those who are selling medication over the phone are equivalent to drug dealers. You have no way of knowing if the item being sold even contains medication. It may be cement tablets paid with lead road paint. Most items are illegal.) You may ask them what kind of other illegal activities run in their family.

This afternoon I had some fun with a caller, I asked "Appel vous tenez une minute?" I set the phone down and began humming the French National Anthem (La Marseillaise)... Elizabeth... que je pense que j'ai le grand... (Switch to Fred Sanford...Scream loudly...Elizabeth, think I am having the big one...)

Spider Lady is off th hook. I have decided that I am old enough to wear purple...and act a little senile. (Who says I am acting? .LOL)

I would love to hear the crazy ideas that others come up with..