How Gene Simmons and KISS Potty Trained My Toddler

I'll admit it. I tried everything. I read books. I sang along with Elmo. I danced and sang along with "Me Potty Wotty," which hands down has to be the coolest reggae potty song for children that would only be greater if Jimmy Cliff was performing it. Then I jumped up and down, clapped, and screamed louder than any crazed fan seated in the first ten rows of Walnut Creek Amphitheater. Heck, I was probably more like the craziest most obnoxious fan of all cheering from my lawn seat just so the front row could hear me! Still, my obstinate son refused to take much interest in his potty chair. Since going potty tends to be a solo performance, I was literally at the end of my rope - a rope which I continued to want to wrap around the neck of each well intentioned family member or friend who questioned in disapproval why my toddler was still not potty trained. Despite considerable patience and drastic efforts, I just didn't have The Magic Touch when it came to toilet training a little boy. I considered that it might have something to do with not having the right equipment, but I knew I could lip sync and improvise with the best of them. However, you cannot imagine my surprise when I discovered that Gene Simmons, Peter Criss, and KISS made my son's interest in the potty chair really come Alive!

My son spent an afternoon visiting with his cousin. Without my knowledge, or necessarily my motherly approval, my son watched a KISS video. When he arrived home, my son excitedly came through the front door shouting, "Watch KISS mommy, watch KISS." No, I had not misunderstood. He did not wanna give me a kiss on my cheek as I might have hoped. He rushed inside, found his Play-a-Song Rock'N'Roll Guitar and started jamming. All around the house he ran in circles from one room to the next and shouted, "I wanna Rock-N-Roll" or "Mommy, watch me rock-n and a roll-n!" My son has barely been alive on the planet for two and half years, and already I completely understand how the parents of teenage girls everywhere felt when Elvis first gyrated his pelvis.

The next two days I listened to my son's incessant screeches of "I wanna Rock-N- Roll All Night" to the tune of the alphabet song on his Play-A-Song guitar. It was cute the first hour. By the middle of the second day it was grating. Not to mention, he refused to give up the guitar for any length of time, which included while sitting on his potty chair - still singing. I gazed at his potty chart with three dinosaur stickers and in a moment of sheer exasperation, I pleaded with him to stop singing and talk to mommy for just a minute. As he sat on his potty and stared at me, I sat on the floor and stared back at him.

I began to talk, half to him and half to myself to keep from getting discouraged. I told him, "You can pick out your own big boy underwear, any kind you want, if you will just start using the potty. And, as soon as your potty chart is full of stickers we'll go pick out a special potty prize just for you. Doesn't that sound great? What do you think you'd like to pick out?

Instantly a big grin came over his face and he shouted, "KISS underwear! Mommy, KISS underwear! And KISS drums! Peter Criss drums! KISS drums! Rock-N-Roll All Night!"

Just as instantly, a lightbulb turned on in my own head. I replied, "Only if you start going potty every day. Potty every day. Just like the big boys KISS."

In a nutshell, that is how we got that potty thing started. All day long, we sang "I wanna rock-n-roll all night, go potty every day" over and over again. Of course, we stuck out our tongues too. The results were simply amazing! In less than a week, I realized I needed to find some KISS underwear and KISS drums pretty darn fast as the sticker chart was almost completely full.

Since my cousin and a few other relatives should probably own stock in the official home of KISS website, that is where they suggested I go first. However, I have to tell marketing genius Gene Simmons that though the onesies and t-shirts for toddlers might be cute, they are not KISS underwear. A toddler that wants KISS underwear for going potty every day has got to have KISS underwear too. There really isn't a suitable alternative. There also were not any sort of musical instrument KISS toys geared toward younger fans.

I found myself in a bit of a dilemma. No KISS underwear. No KISS drums. Potty chart of reward stickers with only three more empty spaces. So, I did what any ingenious mother would do. I improvised!

Using my computer, I made a couple different iron-on designs. I simply typed KISS in two inch bold face letters. Just because I thought it would look cute and also aggravate my relatives, I added "my butt" underneath in small letters. Then I printed them out.

I ironed the designs on the rear end of several pairs of plain white underwear and voila! KISS underwear.

For KISS drums I purchased a Little Tikes drum from Walmart and added a couple of KISS stickers to the top and bottom. Voila again! KISS drums!

When the potty chart was officially complete, my son was indeed one of the happiest if not one of the youngest KISS fans in the whole wide world! He loves wearing his big boy KISS underwear and playing with his Peter Criss KISS drums. Now he is quite content drumming and screeching, "I wanna rock-n-roll all night and go potty every day."

At times, the drums are admittedly rather loud and annoying. However, my son is finally thrilled to be potty training and I'm ecstatic that we have found what works for him. He's currently working toward filling his second potty chart, and this time the end goal is real KISS drumsticks just like Peter Criss. He loves his Fisher Price drum with the KISS stickers, but he is somehow not convinced that drumsticks should be attached to the side of the drum by strings. Some two year olds are just too smart.

I'm sure Elmo works for some, but in a highly unpredictable sort of way, KISS is ultimately what works for us. Frankly, I don't care as long as it works and as long as my child is happy and having fun in the process. It may be a while before my son is actually rock-n-rolling all night, dry anyway, but at least we're motivated and I certainly think we're on the right track. With my Deuce son just now starting to walk, I know it won't be long before I'm potty training again, and yes, KISS will be there every step of the way. With some luck, hopefully the second time around it may even be a little bit easier.

I watch my son, happily drumming with his KISS stickered drum and excitedly parading around in his makeshift KISS underwear, and I am one extremely proud Rock-N-Roll Mommy. I realize that one day he will probably be mortified by the fact that he learned to sing one of the greatest KISS party songs of all time only because he thought KISS was singing to him about going potty! My husband is equally proud, not only at his son's awesome taste in music at such an early age (he thinks he's some sort of prodigy), but of the fact that Gene Simmons has helped change more diapers than he ever did without ever having to step foot in our home! Now that? That's talent! On down the road, my husband can't wait to be the one to tell our darling family jewels these wonderful potty training stories. He also definitely plans to do so on the way to a live KISS concert, as long as the big boys are still out there rocking!

*Guys, you have no idea how much we truly appreciate all your help! Thanks and potty on!