How to Be a Gentleman: Eating Out

When eating out with a companion, the gentleman's role is, as always, to make the lady feel comfortable. The first thing to ensure is that you arrive on time. It is likely that the lady will not be ready - as is her prerogative - but it would not do for you to turn up late. Make sure you have everything you need with you, including a packet of tissues.

Upon arrival, the giving of a small gift is acceptable, especially if this is not the first time you have gone out as a couple. For a first date, a single flower or a small bouquet is probably the best bet (a rose being, of course, the easiest choice), but once you know your companion better you could bring something more particular to her taste. Just avoid trying to be funny by bringing a Venus flytrap and ensure that any plants are not toxic to animals if she has pets.

Once you have waited patiently and cheerfully for her to be ready, it's time to go. Helping her on with her coat is a nice touch. If you intend to drink, the area to which you are headed has difficult parking or you know that you are a fast or nervous driver, take a taxi. This can also be reassuring if it's a first date, as she will not be entering your area of control as your passenger. Don't forget to open the door for her. If you are walking, ensure you remain on the road side of her, to protect from traffic; if this is not the first date, you can also ask if she would like to carry her handbag on your side so that it is protected between you - asking this on the first date would be suspicious.

At the restaurant, you should help her with her coat and her chair, unless you've gone somewhere really nice and the staff does this. Ensure she sits first, before parking your rear end. My advice for the menu is simple: avoid anything messy until you know each other well. While some people may consider it sensual to order food that is eaten with the hands, most people just think it's greasy. Fried chicken and pizza are bad choices. Spaghetti is a good way to make yourself look silly - go for penne or other pasta that is easier to manage and has a lower risk of dying her dress with the sauce. Ensure her glass is regularly filled, but always ask first as you would not want her to think that you have ulterior motives if she is drinking alcohol. Do not get drunk.

Should your companion wish to visit the ladies' room, stand when she does and again when she returns. You do not need to help her with her chair upon her return, though it can be done.

During the meal, the most important thing is to listen. Do not speak when you are eating. When you wish to talk, wait until she has finished what she has to say rather than interrupting and, above all, talk to her face. Looking anywhere else - particularly below the neck - is in distinctly bad taste. Her chest is not the source of her voice. Conversation should centre mostly around her and her interests unless she asks particular questions about you. If she does, be succinct: there is no need to rattle on for thirty minutes about something unless she, too, is interested and has opinions. Do not attempt vulgar jokes, burp or break wind (and above all, don't laugh if one escapes).

Avoid any kind of preening while talking and listening. The general rule is that anything above the neck is unacceptable: no picking your teeth, wiping your nose on the back of your hand and so on. This is simply normal etiquette, rather than gentlemanly behaviour!

At the end of the meal, the question of paying the bill arises. I would suggest always paying it yourself. In modern times, of course, women have as much spending power as men, so if your companion wishes to pay her part, to split the bill or to pay it in its entirety, that is a subject for discussion - it's perfectly alright to accept, but not without first ensuring her that you are quite willing to cover it. Remember: at no time should she feel pressured or uncomfortable.

Don't forget to thank the restaurant staff when leaving and to help your companion with her coat. Upon arrival at her dwelling, you should thank her for the evening. See her to her door. This is as far as you should expect to go, unless invited further. The matter of the goodnight kiss is an opportunity to show some real class on a first date by kissing her hand, if you can carry it off with style!

Thank your companion again, wish her goodnight and retreat. Wait at the street entrance to her building or at the top of the stairs (or elevator door) until she is safely inside, then return home.