How to Be a Gentleman: What it Means

Contrary to popular belief, being a gentleman is a case of having neither a certain education nor a certain ancestry. It is, in many ways, almost a system of belief that governs a man's actions in every part of his life. It is also something that anyone can achieve and that brings its own rewards.

Historically speaking, the title of 'gentleman' was restricted to the gentry, those of noble birth: men who had the right to their own coat of arms and whose significant wealth was derived from property and inheritance rather than work. Over time and with the many social changes of the last couple of hundred years, the term widened to include men of independent fortune without nobility and eventually became a polite term for all men. In modern times, the word is used as a measure of a person's conduct rather than their financial or social standing.

So what does it mean to be a gentleman in the 21^st Century? Primarily, it means subscribing to a superior standard of conduct. This is not a suggestion to feel superior to other people; rather it implies being considerate, polite and calm.

By remaining calm in a difficult situation, the gentleman spreads a feeling of security and confidence in those around him. In turn, this opens up the possibility of a positive outcome by mutual agreement and compromise, rather than a competitive butting of heads. The rewards for such activity are obvious: not only does the gentleman gain the respect of all involved, but also the reputation of being a reliable, solid influence in an overly complex world.

Honesty, integrity and fair play are some of the hallmarks of a real gentleman. A firm belief in equality of the sexes - and all races, creeds and colours - is the basic building block of respect, both given and received. The gentleman should never seek an unfair advantage over an adversary in competition but instead should try his utmost to achieve the best he can at all times.

It also means attempting to further oneself intellectually and culturally. Admittedly, that's a bit of an extrapolation on my part, stemming from the desire to remain considerate. By learning more about as many different subjects and cultures as possible, the gentleman not only stays on top of things, but also shows respect for people with a different background. This can be as simple as knowing how to say "hello" to a foreign visitor or as complicated as having a layman's knowledge of a companion's profession. Once again, payback comes in the form of mutual respect, with the additional benefit of remaining true to one's ideals.

Being polite and showing respect are, of course, the essence of being a gentleman. That's not to say that a gentleman is a fawning wimp. Quite the contrary, in fact: he is frequently an immovable resistance where morals or justice are concerned. By his exercising a polite and friendly attitude, tense situations can be handled with aplomb and all parties involved get to express their beliefs and concerns, leading to a deeper understanding for everyone. A reputation as a diplomatic, reasonable individual can lead to great things.

A gentleman is protective of the people for whom he cares, but not possessive. Once again, the aura of being a solid, reliable individual is essential. There is no need for macho displays of territoriality when one is comfortable with oneself and remaining honest and true will ensure that a companion, friend or acquaintance knows exactly where they stand at all times.

Above all, I believe the question of what being a gentleman means can be answered by quoting one of my closest friends: "A gentleman always tries to make sure that the other person feels comfortable."