How to Be a Girl Guitar Hero

Now you've done it. You pawned the Gucci handbag grandma bought you for Christmas and spent the money on a second hand flying V and a mean Marshall stack. (Can you say "whammy bar" grandma?)

Your spirit is strong. You are channeling the guitar-Zen of Jennifer Batten, the fury of Nancy Wilson, and the machine-gun rhythms of Gabriela Quintero. But that beast with the chrome finish is staring at you from it's place on the wall.

Pick it up. Now.

You won't become the next girl guitar hero by staring at it.

First, don't be afraid to turn it up. Feedback and dissonance are part of nature's glory; things collide in chaotic and random ways. Harness the power of this chaos and give harmony a rip in the pants. Realize that anything played loud enough, with enough force and confidence, will either sound incredibly cool or incredibly intimidating. Either is acceptable.

Second, learn to play power chords. "Root plus fifth equals adrenaline" should be your motto. PJ Harvey knows this. Listen to her daily. Just because you are a girl guitar player doesn't mean you have to play nice.

Third, realize that the press-on nails might have to go. If they get in the way of your fret action, grab the clippers and send them to the trash bin. There's nothing more frustrating than messing up a solo because a fingernail caught on a stray string. Some girls may have no problem playing with long nails. Do what works, just don't let your guitar music suffer.

Fourth, check your strings. If you find them hard to press or bend, get some lighter-gauge strings. Your guitar should be easy to play. This isn't just a girl thing; Eddie Van Halen plays lighter strings than Nancy Wilson. (She could probably take him in a fist fight too.) Just pick strings that are comfortable.

Fifth, find your influences. Listen to the music that moves you most. Doing so will inspire your playing, and you will play and practice more often. If you want to play some nice chamber music or a classical Paganini tune, go for it. Wail like Chrissie Hynde if you wish. Growl like Joan Jett if you dare. Just play the guitar your way.

Ok, time to start playing. Just unleash whatever you feel. Noise is your friend and convention is your enemy. Beat those strings like a rock star should and your guitar will feel right at home, girl.

Now when you tell that snotty-nosed hippy boy down the road that there are plenty of awesome girl guitar players, you can count yourself among them. You have your own set of nickel-bound strings of doom. You are the next girl guitar hero.