How to Get a Girl to Kiss You

If you think girls don't want sex, you're wrong. Do you want to know what's REALLY the issue? Girls want to know that they are special enough to make you jump through hoops. All their girlfriends get THEIR boytoys to jump through hoops. Why can't I? Dude, the main reason girls do anything they do is so they can have the best stories to bring back to their girls. So you gotta know how to play that. Here's how to get a girl to kiss you.

ASSERT YOUR MASCULINITY. You have to prove that you're a real man so that the jokes you tell later won't be misconstrued. You'll see what I mean as you read on. Just know that Step 1 is you being a real effing M.A.N. Protect and provide for her without being creepy or jealous. How do you do this? Perfect example: It's your first date, and she's testing you by checking out other guys right in front of you. So you look WITH her as she checks some guy out. She's looking at his ass; you look at his ass. You go, "Niiiiiice ass." At the same time, you're palming hers. Wow, what a move.

ROLE REVERSAL. One thing that works really well with chicks today, and don't ask me why (because I'd be able to tell you and it would take FOREVER), is ROLE REVERSAL. That means, after you've asserted that you're a real man, you start acting like the girl. Example: "Oh my Gawd, I'm out of popcorn, but I'm sooooo comfortable and I don't wanna get up. What am I going to do?" Then look at her, give her the helpless chick eyes and do your pinky finger like Dr. Evil from Austin Powers. If you do it right, and you asserted your masculinity correctly in Step 1, she'll crack up.

THE KISS. Once you've asserted that you are a man, and you've shown your sense of humor through role reversal, it's time to use those two things to get her to kiss you. She will be jokingly playing the man's role on your date. So then you say something like, "So I know you've been really digging me through this whole thing. So like, why haven't you kissed me yet?" At this point, she will be so funned out and discombobulated that she'll plant one right on you. This is a technique I have heard worked wonders on a friend of mine (of course I wasn't there...it was a DATE), but I believe her. She doesn't lie to me, because she knows I'm putting this crap up on eHow. She WANTS guys to be able to show her a good time like this. And I'll tell you a little secret guys -- all girls do. Cuz why? Cuz then she can run and tell her girls, "OMG, I had the BEST date last night with the most FUN guy." Translation? "OMG, I had a BETTER date than YOU last night with a MORE FUN guy than YOU." That's the entire game in a cracked nutshell. Learn it. ...And you're welcome.