How to Give Instructions During Sex

Some people are vocal in bed, while others are quiet, preferring to enjoy the sensations silently. There is nothing wrong with either type of person, but sometimes it is difficult for a quiet individual to give instructions during sex. Once we become comfortable with one particular way of doing things, it is that much harder to change down the road.

There are some people, on the other hand, who simply are uncomfortable with talking at all during sex, or even after. They feel that sex is something that she be done, and not discussed, no matter the reason. That type of feeling is difficult to change, even if the quality of sex is suffering because of it.

Let's face it: even your partner is not a mind reader. He or she doesn't know what you're thinking or if you're enjoying yourself during sex unless you give some indication one way or another. While you can expect your partner to understand your lack of vocalization during sex, you can't expect him to know when he or she is doing something wrong unless you tell them.

Giving instructions during sex can be scary for anyone, regardless of his or her feelings about talking during sex. Telling a partner to touch/kiss/lick them in a particular place can seem like an interruption of the act, and unnatural to those who have never done it before. However, everyone likes something different, and you can't hope to get the most out of sex unless you tell your partner what you want.

Start before or after sex, and discuss the act openly and honestly. What do you like? What don't you like? What is your partner doing that you love? Talking about it before or after will be easier than discussing it during sex, and you'll feel more comfortable with vocalizing your feelings.

If that goes well, progress to talking during sex, but only telling your partner what you like. Reaffirm him or her when something goes right, but don't worry about guiding just yet. Acclimate yourself to talking during sex first, and then progress to giving instructions. This will also give your partner an opportunity to get comfortable with hearing your voice during sex, which he or she may have never experienced before.

Once you feel completely comfortable, progress to giving instructions during sex. Talk slowly and softly, and don't say anything derogatory. Simply guide your partner to the places, positions or things you like best, and it will become second nature.