How to Give a Successful Time-Out

While there are many different disciplinary measures that exist for children, one tried-and-true method remains the time-out. A time-out for children helps them to disengage from the negative activity, stop to take a breath and refocus for better behavior. But not all time-outs are created equal. It is important to establish consistent time-out guidelines for your family so that your children know what to expect, which helps them develop better behavior over time. The following guidelines will help you develop and execute a time-out policy that will benefit your whole family and help discipline happen more smoothly.

Give Consistent Warnings
Most children, unless being directly defiant or physically hurting another child, benefit from one or two warnings before being sent to time-out. Giving at least one warning gives a child a chance to correct his or her behavior and choose whether or not to repeat it, which will result in a time-out. This teaches kids to evaluate what they're doing and become more self-aware over time. However, for warnings to work, they need to be consistent and not empty threats. Establish how many warnings you will give (one or two work best-more can turn into empty threats), and stick to that guideline whenever your child misbehaves. If your child continues the behavior, immediately put him or her into time-out. If you are constantly changing the rules by either not giving warnings or not following through with an actual time-out, your children will learn to mistrust what you say, resulting in confusion or abuse of negative behavior.

Choose One Set Location
Unless you are away from home, having a set time-out location like a time-out chair helps in two ways: you're not scrambling in the heat of the moment for a place to put your child, and your child knows the expectations ahead of time, which minimizes a power struggle. When deciding upon a location, choose one that's central to the activity in your home, safe and free from distractions. You may choose to designate a place both upstairs and downstairs if that's more convenient. While it may seem cliché, placing a chair facing a wall or corner is ideal; this minimizes any view of activity going on and other distractions such as a television or other siblings playing. Make sure the spot you choose is tucked away from the main family activities, since the purpose of a time-out is to give the child space by removing him from an activity. At our house, a small children's chair facing the back door in the kitchen minimizes distractions and is an out-of-the way place.

Set a Time and Routine
A timer is an invaluable tool when executing a time-out. A great guideline for how much time to make it last is one minute per year of your child's age, so a 4 year-old would have a 4-minute time-out. My kids know this, so when they sit in the time-out chair, it's no surprise how much time I'm going to put on the timer. This actually works on 2 year-olds on up, so don't be hesitant to use it with your toddler. They are usually able to handle two minutes in one place, even if you have to guide them to stay in the chair the first few times. For older children, the rule in our house is that if you get up or talk during your time-out, the timer is reset for the full amount of minutes and time-out starts over. This encourages children to listen the first time, experiencing the full benefits of a time-out.

When the time-out is over, talk with your child about why he was placed into time-out, and what behavior he should exhibit instead in the future. If he has hurt or wronged someone, make him apologize, both to you and the other person. Adding this step to time-outs helps children understand what behaviors are right and wrong and how to take responsibility for their actions.

Unfortunately, there's no magic formula to get children to stop misbehaving completely; it's just a part of childhood. But having clear time-out guidelines will help discipline run more smoothly whenever it is needed, teaching kids along the way.