How to Give a Wedgie like a Pro

So you want to know how to give a wedgie like a pro? In theory, it seems like a simple task, but many things can go wrong when giving someone a wedgie. Fortunately, with some careful planning, you can make the most of the classic wedgie. A few words of caution, wedgies are a privilege, not a right: meaning some people are wedgie eligible, and for some people, it is just cruel to give them a wedgie. Make sure when planning a surprise wedgie approach, that you know it is indeed the person you think it is, mistaken identity within the world of wedgies are frowned upon and exceedingly difficult to explain. Reasonably, some groups of people are exempt from wedgies altogether, you know who I am talking about. As Peter Parker's Uncle Ben once said, "With great power comes great responsibility", so use your newly acquired wedgie skills responsibility.

STEP ONE: Location, location, location. A key factor in giving a wedgie is preparing in advance to be at the best angle. To do this, stand directly behind your selected wedgie candidate, do not attempt a wedgie from the side or at an angle. It is best to approach stealthy so as not to alert your intended wedgie candidate.

STEP TWO: Assume the wedgie giving position. Stand with feet shoulder width apart and then bend your knees. The further you can bend and maintain your balance and reach, the better. This gives you a better angle. Position your hands at the level of the wedgie recipients' waist without touching them.

STEP THREE: Visually locate the top band of the underwear.

STEP FOUR: In one seamless motion, grab the top band of said underwear with both hands and pull it up evenly.

STEP FIVE: Straighten your knees, and pull the underwear band both back and up.

The true expert is familiar with the ways of the atomic wedgie. In theory, step five is extended to add in not just pulling the underwear up, but using the momentum of your bent knee position to turn into a jump while still holding onto the underwear top band and pulling it upwards and outwards in order to allow enough room to actually pull the underwear over the head. In my opinion, this is not only difficult at best, but leaves the realm of good, clean fun "friendly" wedgies and sits smack dab in the category of bully quality wedgies. These kinds of wedgies ruin wedgies for everyone.