How to Be a Good Bridesmaid

Being asked to be a bridesmaid, whether you are the maid/matron of honor or not, is a privilege that shows the bride cherishes your friendship and wants you to play a major role in such an important day. But, many bridesmaids do not realize what they are signing up for, and this can lead to several hurt feelings and even ruined friendships. I have been a bridesmaid multiple times, and had six bridesmaids in my own wedding, so between those experiences and listening to stories from friends, it seems quite often that friendships are ruined over something that should make for a great memory in life. So, these are some tips on how to be a good and supportive bridesmaid for your friend during the wedding planning period.

1.) Do not say "yes" to being a bridesmaid if you do not have the time to be there for your friend; or, if there is any reason what-so-ever you are not comfortable being in the wedding party or not able to do so, then do not do it. Sit down and have a long talk with your friend to explain your reasons; if you do say yes even though you do not want to do it, you will probably be miserable during the planning process and will only make things harder on your friendship. The bride may feel rejected in the beginning, but hopefully in the long run, she will understand that you are not able to stand by her side. Or, sit down and ask the bride what exactly your time commitments will be if you are on a time crunch in your life; ask her if she will be willing to help you fit in bridesmaid dress fittings, shoe shopping trips, etc. Try to work out any conflicts that you think may occur in advance, if at all possible. Either way, you may leave your friend feeling let down, but at least being upfront about it in the beginning will not add as much stress as sulking around or not showing up to anything during the planning process would.

2.) Of course, you are not expected to drop every thing in your life to help your friend plan her wedding, but if you do have the time, try to do as much with her as possible. Volunteer to help her pick out a dress, to attend meetings with vendors, etc. Many brides find the planning process extremely stressful, and sometimes they are not fortunate enough to have a lot of family members by their sides to help them. And, although many grooms are very supportive in the decision making process, the bride is typically the one that feels all of the pressure to get things just right. This day is supposed to be a dream come true for your friend, so try to help her make it that way. Plus, those planning activities can be fun and ways to grow closer to your friend, too. There is nothing like having to help your friend out of an obnoxiously ugly, marshmallow looking wedding dress in a cramped fitting room; in the long run, these memories will turn in to some great stories for both of you. Volunteer to help her trek around in her dress on the day of her bridals; just be there for her. Spend the wedding day with her and do your best to keep her relaxed; it will make the difference in the long run for both of you. When it is your turn to plan, you will appreciate the help you gave her because, assuming she's a good friend, she will be right by your side, too.

3.) Be honest; true friendship stems from honesty - no matter if you think being honest will hurt your friend's feelings or not. If a dress does not look perfect on your friend, tell her. If you think the bridesmaid dress she picked out will look horrible on the body shape of any of the bridesmaids, tell her that, too. All brides want their day to be perfect and planning a wedding is very stressful; if you mean enough to a bride to be in her bridal party, then your opinion matters to her. Of course, be polite when being honest. If a dress is not flattering on your friend, do not flat out tell her that her rear-end looks terrible, just tell her you think there is a dress somewhere out there that is perfect for her, but that one is definitely not it. But, if you are honest and the bride still goes with the original decision, just let it roll off your shoulders and move on. Everyone can be neurotic at some point in their lives, so let your friend slide this time. She is stressed out, and in the end, it is her wedding day, not yours.

4.) Be supportive; when planning a wedding, something that would not typically stress out your friend may push her over her wit's end. You may not really care that the cake baker messed up the size of the purple fondant cake topper, but your friend does. Just help talk your friend through anything that seems stressful and help her come up with a solution or suggestion to fix the problem. Again, most girls dream about their wedding day for years and want it to be perfect, so put your self in her shoes. If you are not married already, you will experience some of the same stressors when you are planning a wedding. Or, if you married, just remember how much it meant to you that someone listened to you complain about the details when you were planning, or how much you wished someone had been there to listen if you did not have anyone supporting you.

5.) Do not let your friend become a bridezilla; most everyone has seen the reality shows on T.V. that show these brides turning in to literal monsters during the planning of the wedding and on their actual wedding day. Do not let your friend become one of those crazy brides that belong on one of those shows; if she seems stressed out or about to flip out over something, help to calm her down. Suggest that the two of you should go have a relaxing girl's day at the spa - get a manicure or pedicure; help to get her mind off of the planning for a while. If she becomes too overly obsessed with the planning and making sure every little thing goes perfectly, no one is going to enjoy anything on the day of the wedding. The bride will be too busy making sure everyone else is miserable because she is unhappy instead of enjoying the true reason for the day.

6.) Plan anything you volunteer to organize in advance; if you say yes to organizing a bridal shower or a bachlorette party, put it together at least a month before the day of the event. Work with the other bridesmaids and have everyone pitch in to help - someone can do the invitations, someone can set up the location, etc. Planning any type of event, big or small, takes some time and things always go wrong, so give yourself time to make those mistakes and fix them. Plus, many people travel out of state for those types of events, so you will want to make sure you get invitations, or at least a save-the-date, sent out early. Planning early is also an easy way to show your friend how much she means to you; if she finds out that you did not put any thought in to what you promised to do until a few days before, feelings are going to be hurt and things may be said in times of stress that could ruin friendships. Your friend is probably putting months, if not years, in to planning the wedding, so at least take the stress and worrying about things like showers and parties off of her shoulders; giver her an excuse to relax and enjoy the planning period.

Most importantly, just make sure that you are by your friend's side and supporting her in whatever way you can; no, this is not your wedding so you may not be as worried about everything as she is. But, true friends are there for one another, no matter what. You two were close to begin with or you would not be sharing such an important day together, so do not let the stress of wedding planning come between you.