How to Have a Good Relationship with Your Teenager

Whether or not you have one teenager or four teenagers like myself, building a positive relationship with them can be challenging. I have learned a few tricks over the 23 years I have been a parent that can make a difference when raising those young adults.

Remember

Before I even begin, I want all of you parents of teenagers to remember that you yourself were once a teenager at one time. Even if you were a teenager in the 50's, the experience of being a teenager has not changed at all. Hormones are hormones, and we all act like we rule the world during that time of our life.

Privacy

Stay out of your teenagers room, unless it is absolutely necessary. Even then, ask their permission to come into their space. Just like adults, teenagers want their privacy and deserve their privacy. Do not be a snooper, there is no need for it at all.

Respect

All parents want respect from their children, especially when they are parents to a teenager. Unfortunately, many parents do not think that they should respect their teenagers back, when in fact you should. If you think about it, why would anyone give respect to someone who does not give them the respect back.

Trust

Trusting your teenager is a key ingredient to having a wonderful relationship with your teenager. This means that when they say they are going somewhere, do not assume that there is a hidden agenda behind it. If they want to have friends over, do not keep popping your head in their room six times and hour. When you trust them, this allows them to see that you respect their decisions.

Involvement

Many parents seem to think that it is alright to leave their teenagers out of important family matters, it's not. Family matters involve everyone in the family, and they should be discussed with family members. This includes your teenagers. Keep them informed of what is going on in your family, it shows them that they matter in the family just as much as anyone else.

Positive Attention

Teenagers are people too and like to be asked how they are or how their day was, just like anyone else would. Showing them that you are interested in their life is positive attention. Do not over due it though, many parents go to the extreme and harass their teenagers. Asking one time a day is more than enough when it comes to these young adults. More than that, they will just think that you are bugging them, and more than likely you are.

Self Expression

This is one of my most important tips to parents out there. LET YOUR CHILDREN USE SELF EXPRESSION! So what if they want their hair black with pink strips, so what if their clothes do not match, and so what if they put so much eye liner on that they look like a raccoon. Self expression is all about growing up and experimenting with who they are and who they want to be. Without self expression how boring would life be?

Judging

No matter how much you want to say it, don't! Never judge your children or their friends just because you feel the need to put your opinion out there. You are their parents, what you have to say means a lot more then you think it does. Negative opinions can bring on self confidence issues that you do not want to deal with, try and stay positive. You know the old saying "If you can't say nothing nice, then don't say nothing at all", keep that in mind when you make personal comments to your teenagers.

Listen Not Accuse

Last but not least, as I tell anyone who asks me how I do it with four teenage girls. Listen to them and do not make accusations ! Accusations means that you are saying they are guilty before you even ask. If there is a problem and you want to get down to the bottom of it, then sit them down and ask questions first. Allow them to answer the questions, and then discuss it. Do not put your two cents in until and only until they are finished explaining whatever it is that you seem to think is a problem.

Having seven children has not made me an expert, but it has made me very aware of certain things I have done with my first children that I changed for the better for my other children. It is all about being there for them when they need you. If you have teenagers, you know that they require actually more attention then the little ones do. They want more, they want to go more places, their bored all the time, they just cannot sit still. Like I said in the beginning, remember that we all were teenagers at one time in our life and try and remember how you yourself wanted to be treated. If you remember that, then you will have no problem at all in your journey of parenting teenagers.