How to Be a Good Stepmother

Becoming a stepmother can be exhilarating, stressful, emotional, and awkward. If you have no children of your own, it can be extremely overwhelming to step into the role of mother to children that are being raised with different expectations and values than you might impart. It's also difficult to blend families if you have your own children. There are tips and steps you can take to make the process as relaxed and easy as possible.

You're Not the Mother

You need to face it - you're not the mother. Your role at this time is to be encouraging, supportive, courteous, and helpful. It's better at the beginning stage to be a friend and let your husband take on the discipline. That's not to say that you should allow your stepchild to walk all over you or treat you poorly. In those instances you can try to speak to the child as the situation unfolds, but incorporate her father as soon as possible. As your relationship progresses, you can begin to see your role develops.

Support Relationships with Biological Mother

Along with not taking the role of their mother, you need to encourage their continued relationship with their biological mother, especially if you have full or split custody. Try not to be jealous of the time that your stepchildren spend with their mother, and allow them to speak of the activities they pursue.

Establish Your Own Rituals

As you begin your new life together, it's important to set up your own celebrations and rituals - incorporating all of the beliefs together into something that the entire family can enjoy. This can be incorporated into something as simple as weekend picnics in the park, or the more complicated aspects of holiday celebrations.

Define Your Role

As your relationship progresses you may find that you want to define your role as stepmother. Are you becoming more of a friend and confidante to your stepchildren, or are you taking on an educational role. Stepmothers are many things these days, and you can take the time to determine your role with your stepchildren.

Make Time for Your Stepchildren

Make sure to show an interest in your stepchild's schoolwork, activities, and friends. You should also consider incorporating them into your own personal pursuits.

Remember That You Chose This - Not Them

Stepchildren rarely have a say in who their parents remarry, so remember that their father chose you, not them. This will help you get through those stressful times with grace and understanding.