How to Be a Good Stepparent

Being a stepparent is not an easy task. It's not something that you can just jump into and expect everything to be fine. It takes work, lots of work and it's something that takes work every single day. When you go into a new relationship and the person you are seeing has children, you are going into that relationship not with just that person but their children as well.

Let them know that you aren't taking anyone's place. They might feel that you are trying to replace their mommy or daddy and they need to know that you aren't. You're just another person added to their lives because they are so special.

If you want your stepchild to respect, cherish and, most of all, to love you the first thing you need to do is gain their trust. When they have wants or needs you need to listen to them. You need to show them that if they need anything they can come to you. Keep your eyes and ears open, do not just wait for them to come to you, take the initiative. If you see them struggling with a problem, go lend a hand. If you hear them crying or getting mad about something, go ask them what's wrong and what you can do to help make whatever is troubling them better.

Get to know what they like. If you have to, do some research. If he/she like dinosaurs get on the Internet after they go to bed and get your read on about dinosaurs. Then the next day you can share the information that you learned with them. Children need to be able to talk about the things that they enjoy and if there's someone there to talk about those things with them, it will teach them how to communicate better with other and with show them that you care. Also, let them know what you like. If you like going for walks or bike riding take them with you. It's not just a one-way street; the more you know about each other will bring you closer together.

Get involved. Go watch their practices, read to/with them, play with them. Get to know their coaches or instructors and volunteer to help in any way you can. This goes hand-in-hand with getting to know what they like. They will cherish the memories of you watching their practices, games, etc. for the rest of their lives.

Here's the hard part... If you've been in the relationship long enough to handle the dreaded disciplinary acts of timeouts and/or groundings you may be in for a ride. Remember, everyone hates getting in trouble and we are all prone to say things we don't mean when we are upset. If they throw "You're not my daddy/mommy!" just put yourself in their place and don't take it personal. Yes, it may hurt your feelings but what did you say when you were a child to your own parents? It's practically a given that "I hate you!" came out of your mouth at one point or another.

You didn't mean it; you were just upset that you got into trouble. So just explain why you put them in a timeout. If they were climbing in a tree, after you asked the repeatedly not to, let them know why. Let them know that you are not mad but that they need to be good listeners and that you care about them and their safety but make sure they are paying attention to you or your words will go in one ear and out the other.

Most of all remember that they are looking to you for guidance and love. The best thing that you can do is to look at them as your own child rather than a stepchild. Their future is in your hands as well as their real parents'.