How to Be a Good Stepparent

A happy relationship between you and your stepchild is not going to happen overnight but it is important to work on some sort of a relationship with them. Even if your not taking on the traditional role of being their parent it is important to at least be their friend. Your relationship may start off rocky but it is possible to eventually be happy.

It is extremely important to not try to be mom or dad right away. You need to start slow and build a friendship with the child/children. You do need to impose rules and discipline, but don't punish them the way you would your own children. You should have an open relationship with your spouse so you could discuss certain situations you may have with your stepchild and let your spouse take care of some of the stickier situations. Eventually you will have more say with the child as time goes on but don't push it to quick.

Take your time getting to know your stepchild. Be their friend. Let them know that they can come to you no matter what, even if they just need someone to talk to. Always try to keep in mind that they have to adjust to the situation also and they may not like it at first. Try to have alot of patients with them even if you feel like you may loose your cool.

Don't be surprised if your stepchild hates you or acts out toward you. Remember you are not their mom or dad and they may let you know that your not. You would not have liked it if someone came along when you were a child and tried to replace your mom or dad, so just keep that in mind when trying to build your relationship. Try to remain calm and let your spouse deal with some of the emotional anguish they may have.

It is pertinent to never bad mouth the ex in the situation, especially if the kids are around. Doing this will only make them hate you more. The ex is the actual parent, not you, so if you want to earn the children's love and trust don't talk bad about their mommy or daddy.

When the time comes that you do form a strong bond with your stepchildren keep in mind that you may not be the one they run to for every situation in their lives. They may want their actual mother or father for stuff thats really bothering them or important decisions they may have to make in their lives. It doesn't mean they don't love you or respect you, cause the time will come when the only person they want is you. When that time does come make sure you are there for them, don't turn you back on them ever.

The tricky situation involves when there are stepbrothers or sisters involved. You and your spouse need to make it known to all the children that they are all loved equally by both of you. They also have to realize that they don't have to like each other but they do need to respect each other no matter what. You need to remember that all the children involved need to be treated equally. Don't ever favor your children more than your spouses. You and your spouse chose this life together, and you knew what you were getting into, so treat all the kids involved fairly.

One last thing to keep in mind when dealing with stepchildren is treat them the same way you would want your spouse to treat your children. If you don't want your spouse yelling at your kids don't do it to theirs. Make sure you discuss this with your spouse so neither one of you over step your boundary's. The kids will be a big part of any relationship so try to keep things as calm and comfortable as possible.