How to Have a Good Visit with the Pediatrician

For me, taking my child to the pediatrician was a massive tension-builder. For at least the first year of my daughter's life I would end a visit to the doc with twisting pains that ranged from feeling like a bad mom, to feeling stupid for faithfully asking dumb questions, to just feeling downright awkward with the whole charade. My husband has always been there with me and has told me I just need to relax and build pediatrician-visiting skills. And he treats me to lunch at Sonic to help soothe the quaking jitters after we leave the doctor's office. Thanks, honey. (By now I can say we go to Sonic to treat our daughter for being cooperative and not crying while the doctor examines her.)

Over this second year of motherhood, I've gotten a grip. Every now and then I get a twinge of "Oh, you're so stupid" when talking with our pediatrician, but I remind myself that she talks to tons of parents, good and bad, all day, and can't always be blamed for how she sounds. Especially when my hearing can be-shall we call it, sensitive? So in some part, "shake it off" is the most valuable advice I can give other parents who get uptight about the pediatrician. And remember that if your doctor ends her visit with you on a positive note that sounds something like "Your kid looks great-keep up the good work" then she's not hiding some negative remark behind that smile. A good pediatrician would let you know if she had any real concerns about you as a parent.

If you like your pediatrician, an exceptionally great step is to send her a thank-you note telling her how you appreciate her and listing specifically the things you value about her, her staff, her office procedures, etc. It opens the door to a two-way relationship of mutual good feeling, respect, and friendliness. Pediatricians love photos of their little patients, too. But specific praise and thanks go an extra long way to paving the road for an agreeable interaction every time. It makes her feel good about herself, and about you. While you're at the office, always treat the staff (even the receptionist at the window and on the phone) with cheerful appreciation. A good doctor looks out for the satisfaction of those working for her and it will really go to her heart. Stay calm, despite any long waits or busy waiting rooms. If you stay smiling and thoughtful, you will be more pleasant to interact with, making it easier for doctors and nurses to treat you in a warm, welcoming manner. Of course, voice any concerns you have with your doctor. But do it respectfully and with quiet sincerity.

Ask questions. Doctors want you to utilize the knowledge they have. They learn all this stuff in order to be helpful to your kid. They want you to depend on them for specific and educated information. A month in advance, start planning the way you want your doctor visit to go, the ground you want it to cover. Start writing out a list of questions and concerns you would like to bring up. Make it clear and concise, so that you will be clear and concise when asking them. Ask one question at a time, and listen to the whole answer. If you need to ask more about the topic, don't interrupt, but ask for more information after she is done answering.

Stay calm and focus on what you like about your pediatrician and her office. Your demeanor will greatly affect how your child handles his visit to the doctor. Stay positive. Tell him what you like about his doctor and nurse in words he understands ("We like Dr. Smith because she is so nice to you!"). Even if you have a baby, the way you feel and the way you interact with the people working with you will translate in some way to him how he should feel and respond. While you are waiting in the examination room, point out fascinating things to your kid that are doctor-related. My daughter always asks me to shine the light (the one the doctor uses to look in ears, noses, etc.) in her stuffed animal's ears. Then I shine it in my ears, Daddy's ears, her ears. And then it's not so bizarre to her when the doctor uses it on her. Bring along any major comfort objects: binkey, favorite plush toy, security blanket. Hold an insecure child or baby during the exam. Ask if a toddler can sit up when he gets a shot or gets weighed, rather than lying down. My nurse explained to me that lying down makes them feel more vulnerable, and allowing them to sit up diminishes the likelihood of a screaming fit. Praise your child during the entire exam, shots, etc. Leave room for your doctor and nurse to also interact with the child in a comforting, cheering way. But it's ok if your kid rudely rejects the sticker offered to him by the nurse who just stuck a needle in his thigh. Just remember to address the nurse by her name and always remind your child that you like her and think she is a good nurse.

Trust your doctor and nurse. I have been impressed by how many tricks they know for the various age groups they deal with, to get the kid interested in them, involved in the doctor visit, to cooperate with the examination. Your doctor really does know what she's doing, has had lots of practice, and has figured out the best methods for handling your child well. Remember that a good doctor depends on an involved parent. The health of your child is a two-way street and you need to interact in a positive manner with the physician you consult about your little one's needs. It's important to have a good relationship with your child's pediatrician, and that depends largely on how you approach your doctor. Be just as concerned with how your doctor feels about visiting with you and your kid, as you are about how you and your kid feel with her. Always say please and thank you. Be a pleasant parent to partner with in the health of your child. Train your child to think positively about going to the doctor and to be as relaxed as possible during a visit. These are skills that will be beneficial to him throughout his life as he grows up and visits doctors on his own as an adult. It's important to know how to talk to doctors, how to conduct yourself while being examined, and how to relax in a medical situation.

Of course, if you have no good feelings about your child's doctor, none of these tips will be very effective for you. It's essential to like the doctor you choose for your child. You may need to try a different doctor and find one that fits your parenting style better, your personality better, etc. But always double-check your attitude first. Is the problem really your doctor, or could you help yourself get over any hang-ups you are bringing to the pediatrician-parent relationship? You could potentially be taking your kid to the same doctor for 18 years. Make it a good experience all the way for all of you.