How to Grow Good Kids: Tips from the Garden

Most of what I know about parenting, I've learned from the garden. You'd be surprised what tending to plants--from seedlings to adults--can teach you about raising kids. Some of it, you can even find on the back of a seed packet.

Good Soil: We all know the importance of good soil in the garden. Without it, your plants won't thrive and your hard work will end with small plants that bear little to no fruit. Kids need good soil. A good foundation is made up of opportunities to have positive experiences, experiences that enable them to learn honesty, integrity, and compassion. Good soil makes good roots, and that's always the starting point for strong growth.

Nurture Your Seedlings: Give them what they need. Plants need water, sunlight, and warmth. Kids need affection, love, and the knowledge that they are safe. Being comfortable in their own home helps them to be comfortable in their own skin. Teach by example. Show the importance of fairness by being fair, tolerance of differences by being tolerant yourself. If this means biting your tongue about the black nail polish and lipstick, then so be it. Otherwise, your "it's what's on the inside that counts" will never fly. Don't worry too much, though. Plants are forgiving. So are kids. Nobody's a perfect parent 24/7. Say you're sorry. If you're wrong, admit it. Nurturing in its own way, it teaches your child to be responsible for their feelings, to own their emotions. This gives them valuable social skills that will help them forge strong relationships as adults.

Keep the Weeds Away: True, there's no such thing as a totally weed-free garden, and it's hard work to keep the weeds even halfway tolerable. But do your best to keep the bad stuff at bay. Pay attention to what your kids are doing. Know what they're watching on TV, what they're typing on their Facebook page, who they're hanging out with on the weekends. Talk. When my son was a preschooler, if I told him about something that happened, he would make me elaborate by asking, "Then what did she say? Then what did he do?" I always said it was his cheap way of getting me to tell a story. Now, at 14, he gets the same treatment from me. It's amazing how much you get to know your kids' friends just through casual conversation.

Let Them Grow: Give your kids what they need, but let them grow. My grandmother used to say, "You're not raising kids, you're raising adults." It's true. Kids need room to make their own decisions (and live with the consequences if it's a bad one). Learning to navigate the world (and its weeds) on their own is a necessity for a well-adjusted adult. Anyway, you might be surprised--and proud--of how they bloom on their own.

It's tough and sometimes backbreaking but, like a garden, the end result is rewarding. If your kids have all of the characteristics you worked hard to instill while they were seedlings, then they are happy, compassionate, contributing citizens of their community. That's really all you can hope for. After all, the most prized peaches aren't always the largest, but they're the sweetest just the same.