How To Guide: Dating on the Internet for Gay Men

If you ask the typical gay man if he has ever considered internet-dating, chances are you'll be met with either rolling eyes or guttural sighs. The prospect of meeting that 'special someone' is not only seemingly impossible in life, given the incredible odds of finding a man who is not only attractive, eloquent, and friendly, but actually a homosexual, it may seem as though you have a greater chance of finding yourself over the rainbow with Dorothy than meeting your match on the World Wide Waiting-for-Mr. Right that is the unfortunate cite of a frenzy of gay dating websites, all claiming to hold the key to your heart's desire. While my current singlehood may not render me the most credible relationship expert, I have utilized several gay-dating sites over the past few years and can offer advice on some potentially unknown 'do's and don'ts' for those gay guys either hesitant or in complete fear of taking the plunge and creating the much analyzed 'Online Profile.'

Planetout.com

While planetout.com is one of the most widely recognized sites for popular gay culture info on the web, its personals aren't quite as successful as their in-depth interviews and reviews. As a free member, you can post a relatively decent profile-a single picture for public view, a section about what you're looking for and ways you classify yourself, even a 'favorites' section-movies, music, food, locales. But, keep in mind, the public pictures are sometimes quite blurry, and they won't let you see the person's other, potentially clearer pictures. Most guys surprisingly write a decent amount, however, but the responses on this site are few and far between. Even as a paying member of the site, I rarely received more than a few messages per month. Oh, and the "Featured Member" box they tell you to check if you want to actually BE a featured member-I've been on the site as both a paid and unpaid member for about three years-and I've never been featured, while the same lesbians pop up time and time again. Membership fees are as follows: 4.95 for a 3-day trial, which renews at 12.95 per month if not cancelled, 12.95 per month flat rate, 29.95 for a 3-month period, 69.95 for a year-long period. My main confusion with this site is that members may easily work their IM screen names into their profiles, rendering the 'joining' of the site useless, but no one catches them. And, even more annoying, I followed the trend, worked mine in, and STILL haven't heard from anybody! This site is like the Bermuda Triangle of internet profiles...they're decent, yet quickly lost in the shuffle.

Match.com

Easily the most overrated dating site on the internet, match.com is the equivalent of the air freshener you buy because it has the prettiest flowers on the front label. For a whopping 39.99 bucks a month (unless you agree to a 6-month contract at 19.99 per month), you are entitled to all the site has to offer, including a full personality test, physical attraction test, and full messaging privileges. Also, you can even get personalized advice from Virtual Dr. Phil himself, but it'll cost you between 7 and 9 bucks more a month. And, let's be frank-who the hell wants to take so many tests? For the money you spend, they should give you your PhD in Dating without the added hours of effort. The site becomes more about an alternative approach to therapy than finding you a date who'll offer to buy you dinner without expecting more than a little somethin' somethin' in return. Also, because of the overwhelming number of people who are either lying about themselves or completely deluded, wouldn't it just be easier to get someone's IM screen name without going through so many processes? I can honestly say that I went through all the tests, got viewed over three THOUSAND times, and met ONE man. For the amount I spent, both money and hours, he should not only have been my soulmate, but a lottery winning supermodel as well.

Gayjews.net

If you're a gay Jew like I am, this site may appeal to your MOT side (Member of Tribe), but may frighten away your more secular side. This site is actually completely FREE, with the possibility offered of helping them out with donations if you so choose. Profiles are scant, giving a picture, rarely more than one or two, a birth date, and some facts about your Jewish heritage and knowledge. Unless it matters to you whether you date an Ashkenazi or a Sephardi, I would say this site offers very little other than free messaging with a nice Jewish boy or man. Also, there are a few non-Jews that spring up from time to time, but they are often of Asian or African-American descent, a surprise for a site that utilizes terms such as "Schmooze" and "Oy Vey."

Myspace.com

This site is one of the best choices out there for meeting people for any reason. It's free, you can personalize your profile to the hilt, and you can message whomever you choose. The upsides to this include easily locating 200+ gay men in a single search, taking into account everything from ethnicity to height to use of alcohol, messages of any length, and often being able to locate the member's screen name in their profiles, the down sides include getting 'friended' by several underage girls in the Midwest who are looking to quickly get their 'friend population' over a thousand...yeah, I don't get it either.

Hotornot.com

A word to the wise: Sometimes, the title says it all. If you're looking for the type of guy whose vocabulary only includes words like "bottom" and "hott," this is the optimum site for you. However, if you've read the last sentence and understood the word "optimum," even contextually, perhaps you should consider a site that gives you more options than "keywords," "location," and "age range." Also, if you're over fifty, you should either disregard this site completely or come to terms with your interest in guys at least twenty years your junior. This site caters to the young at heart, as well as the dim of mind, most people not even taking the prospect of dating seriously. You can easily notice this while browsing endless gay male profiles of the 18-25 age range, most of which list "420" as a keyword. For free, you can post a picture for public rating and list your age and keywords, but you can neither receive messages nor send any. At a relatively reasonable twenty bucks a month, you can become a Star member of this 'site of superficiality'-but if "substance" is a keyword you'd use, go for a site that offers some.

Some Final Tips:

-DO include at least ONE recent pic of yourself on any site you join. Almost no one wants to chat it up with someone who could resemble Shrek in real life!
-DO make sure that your pic isn't so small that it isn't easily discernible--you don't want to give the impression that you'd rather NOT be seen!
-DO talk to ANYONE you meet online on the phone before agreeing to meet with them!
-DO meet guys in PUBLIC PLACES FIRST! You don't wanna end up on "Unsolved Mysteries" as the first victim of the "Hotornot Killer."
-DON'T give guys personal information on ANY site--common sense.
-DON'T bother talking to guys whose first questions are about your endowment.
-DON'T agree to meet guys with their friends---why should you be without a security blanket as well?
-DON'T use generic words such as NICE, CUTE, or BOI to describe yourself---these kinds of words, unless you want to attract the online leftovers, are an IMMEDIATE TURN-OFF!

Happy Dating! Your first online fling could end up your next real life thing!