How to Handle a Breakup

The end of a close relationship is never easy. I have my own painful scars from high school and college. And I remember watching teenagers I taught (while serving as a high school teacher) go through this pain. And, as a pastor, I've counseled people dealing with marriage and family breakups. I don't mean to sound like Bill Clinton here, but trust me when I say: "I feel your pain."

Here are some quick pointers to keep in mind when dealing with a breakup. These won't take away all the pain, but it should help give you some perspective.

Meditate and Pray

Take some time to get alone and get yourself centered. Do not base your life on the feelings of others, even those you love. Your life should be based on and centered on stronger stuff than that.

As a Christian, I would say your life should be based on God's love and purpose for you. However, I know that not all my readers are Christian. Still, make sure your life isn't centered on things and people's affections. Don't build your house on sand.

If you are a person of faith, pray. You should of course pray at all times, not just when crises hit. But whatever you do, pray. Open your heart and your mind to the presence of God.

Seek Counsel and Support

When someone you love steps out of your life, it's painful. Other than the time you need to meditate and pray, don't bear your pain alone. Surround yourself with your friends. Do not withdraw socially and become a hermit. You will only feed your depression. Get out and enjoy your life with your friends who are still part of your life.

If the breakup has been particularly devastating, seek counsel from people who can help. Talk to people who have been through this before. Talk to your pastor or youth pastor. If you need professional help, consider that as well. Do not bear the pain alone.

Read for Inspiration

As a Christian pastor, I will of course recommend the Bible here - especially the Psalms. Even looking at it objectively, the Bible is quite simply the most inspirational book ever written. There are also some outstanding devotional books and other Christian classics of inspiration.

When I went through a painful breakup with my girlfriend in college, I read Norman Vincent Peale's The Power of Positive Thinking and Robert Schuller's Tough Times Never Last, but Tough People Do. Both were very helpful (even though I don't agree with everything these gentlemen wrote).

Check out Joel Osteen's Your Best Life Now or Rick Warren's Purpose-Driven Life. Again, you may not agree with everything they say, but you'll find the books overall to be a blessing.

As a side note, perhaps you just need to read to "get away" from your troubles. If so, then by all means....pick out a great novel and immerse yourself in it. But this is only a temporary fix. The pain will still be there when the novel ends. Better to read something of more long-lasting value and substance.

Listen to Uplifting Music

Music is one of the most influential things we can put into our minds. Don't fill your mind with angry or depressing music. I'm not being judgmental here on people's music tastes, but Slick Rick's "Treat Her Like a Prostitute" won't help you after a breakup.

Music should inspire and uplift you. Maybe you feel like venting your anger - and maybe you'll be attracted to music that helps you do that. But anger and rage are always destructive. Don't go down that path.

Control Your Mind

Take charge of your mind! Don't relive all the painful memories of your relationship over and over again. Learn from your mistakes. Learn from the bad times. And move on. Focus on positive memories and uplifting thoughts.

Depression will feed on itself. Don't give in to this. Keep your mind on the positive. If you can't think of anything positive, that's all the more reason to read for inspiration, listen to inspiring and uplifting music, and surround yourself with friends who care about you and will lift you up.

These principles will not take away all your pain, but they should help you get through it. Whatever you do, do not withdraw and cut yourself off from the rest of the world. Don't let a breakup break you. Rise above it and keep moving forward. You have the rest of your life to live. Live it well.