How to Handle a Cheating Spouse: Replace Anger and Hostility with Controlled Revenge

If you ever find your husband cheating on your in any way, your first response may be anger. I actually know two females that responded in anger, and the consequences weighed more heavily on the females than the men suffered! Both of them acquired assault charges, and I know that one of them told me she was never allowed to work at an institution as an instructor where there were children present. I'm guessing she was considered a risk...even though her husband did deserve to get pounded over the head with a heated cooking pan.

If you do find your husband or boyfriend cheating on you, remain as calm as possible. Do not attack. Assess the situation in an intelligent manner. If you have suspicions, keep a camera with you at all times so that if you find your husband with another woman, you have evidence to use when you take him to court. This would come in extremely hand if he's in the military. It would be nice to see his rank drop few grades. Pretty pleasing, if you ask me.

But anyway, when you find your spouse cheating on you, back away slowly. If you had that camera, snap a picture and run. Run to your car, and leave the scene immediately. A few things may happen if you stay. You may have and actually act on the urge of beating them both senselessly. Or, your spouse may suddenly ignore the other woman and try to plead you with his life. He'll beg and say anything. Remember that at this point, anything he says is and will always be a lie, ladies. Do not fall for it. He won't change. He won't change, he will never change. Did you get that, ladies? Your man is never going to change for you, or your children. He will always remain a cheater, and he will always have disrespected your family unit, no matter how he tries to justify himself.

What you can also do is this: If you are completely aware that your husband is cheating, do not bust in the room and catch them in the game. Leave the room quietly. Immediately call a private investigator and talk to him/her. This person will follow the guilty individual around in a discreet way and gain all the evidence you need, without compromising yourself in any way. Hiring a private investigator may cost money, but it is completely worth it. You want proof of infidelity when you go to court, and especially when you want to keep custody of your children.

Something to NOT do is tell everyone of your discovery. This makes you look like a desperate fool. Keep the information to yourself, and only share it with the private investigator. When it's time for you to take him to court and divorce him, then that's the right time for you to tell the world what's going on. But in the meantime, you don't want your husband to be on guard completely. You want him to slip so that the private investigator catches his mistakes.

Whatever you do, as a strong woman, do NOT ignore what is happening. Do not try to forget about what you saw and what you heard. Never blame yourself. You were faithful. It was your husband who chose the wrong path. Since you're not going to try to take him back anyways, don't discuss what you saw with your husband. You don't even have to leave him right away. Stay with him until you find provisions for yourself and your children. Stay with him until you find a way to get back on your own feet. This may take a while, but it's a step that's definitely worth it. Many women can't make it on their own right away. They may need to go to a friends' house, or their parents, or rent an apartment. And never, never sleep with a cheating spouse. If he is pretending that everything is okay, be strong. Don't give in to his charms, or hidden apologies. DO NOT GIVE IN. This is just a game that men have mastered, and game that they know women fall for every time. Give him the cold shoulder, tell him you have a headache or that you're tired and go to bed. You do not need to sleep with a cheating man. But keep in mind, that just because he is cheating on you, this does not give you free reign to an affair yourself. You want to be the innocent one, the victim. You don't want to look like the vindictive, immature woman who is guilty of what she is blaming her husband of. Stay away from men who are trying to console you. Men have a strange sense of women who are in desperation. They know. Avoid them. Don't befriend them. They have other plans in mind for you than just talking about your problems. Trust me. You know this in your gut, don't ignore it.

When you are ready to confront your husband, this means a few things. This means that you have found an alternate place to stay other than your home. This means that you have a job in which to make money from if you depended on your husband's income only. This means that you are calm. Traumatized and hurt, but calm. This also means that you have gained the information you needed from your private investigator. Now it's the time for confrontation. Make sure you do this at a time when neither of you are hurried at all. When confronting your husband, do not ASK him questions in which he can answer only yes or no to. Do not ask him if he's cheating on you. He obviously is. Speak strongly, and with purpose. Know your facts. Have copies of them. In fact, you can even conceal a tape recorder somewhere to gain a confession from him. Remember, now that your husband is a cheater, anything he says is prone to being a lie. Be aware of this.

Present the facts to your cheating spouse. Show him copies of paperwork with dates, names, places, absences, evidence and anything else that will show that you're been doing your homework. Ask your husband questions regarding why he did what he did, where he felt the marriage failed, and how he feels about what he has done. If your husband has any tendency of being abusive, a confrontation is not an option, but if you're going to attempt anyway, its best to be close to phone, or have a friend waiting outside to help you when you cry out for aid in the case that he attacks you. If he does, remember to report it immediately. Do not wait. Report it.

Something that almost all females do is immediately hate the woman he was cheating with more than hating the husband. I have never understood this, but it happens. Do not be mad at the woman. Focus all your energies on the husband. Never call the woman, even though you have her phone number, to ask her questions. She is going to lie as well, especially if she knows you are married. I know you want details from her, but it's of no use. If you do feel like you have to call the woman, call her and ask for her by name if you know if. If it is indeed her, say something along the lines of: "My name is Rosa DeLeon. I am John DeLeon's wife. I am calling you to inform you that the man you are having an affair with is my husband. He is married and has three children. In the case that this information was not presented to you at any time, it has been presented to you now." And then...hang up. This is mature, serious, and to the point. Calling the woman and saying dumb things like, "You need to leave him!" And "Dirty whore!" will only serve to humiliate you. Only call the women after you have already confronted your husband.

After confronting your husband, asses his responses. Then take action. If you husband is in the military, go to your neared JAG office and file divorce papers for a low cost. Present them to your cheating husband. If your husband is not in the military, consult an attorney immediately. This may cost money, but again, it's completely worth it. Use the evidence in court to try to gain full custody of the children. You don't want them having to do anything with a cheating husband and father. Expect your cheating husband to try to turn the tables around and blame you for the infidelity. He will suggest your weight gain, your laziness (even though you are a full-time stay at home mom), your religion, you always having an excuse to avoid sex. Whatever it is, he will try to demean you, break you down and then trick you. Don't let him. Expect these hurtful things, and avoid him at all costs.

You're on your way to becoming a free, independent woman. You're paving your path to success by leaving the cheater. Sometimes your heart may cry for him, but know that this will pass. Time heals things. But please, above all, remember this: Never give him a second chance. Never let him manipulate your heart. You left him because of his greed. You're an intelligent woman for leaving him. Congratulations on making the decision. Just remember to never accept less than what you're worth.