How to Handle Your Children's Sibling Rivalry

Many of us out there have at least one sibling. I'm sure that you and one of your siblings have fought at one time or another. If you are a parent this is an issue that you will deal with frequently. As kids grow older, they will have arguments, but there are steps you can take to reduce the frequency and severity of the fighting. Sibling rivalry can start at a very young age and can continue the whole life of your children. First of all I must say that my sisters and I still fight occasionally, but we get over it much quicker now that we are older. Sibling rivalry can start before the second child is even born because the older child is being told that they will be a big brother or sister. They know and are aware that they will have to share the parent's attention and also all of their things, such as toys.

A few examples are when they are fighting over toys, one is bothering the other, or even one is wanting to do something first. In order to help with the fighting there are many things that you should do. If you must get involved do so, but do not take sides or do anything that makes you think you are taking sides. You should separate the kids until they are able to talk about the problem at hand calmly. Next don't ever tell one of them that it is their fault. Instead you should calmly explain why each feels the way they do. I actually did an exercise with two of my nieces that are sisters. They had always seemed to fight when they got around each other so one day I tried to experiment. I had them sit down and explain to each other why they felt the way they did. So they did point out the negative, but then I had them tell them each other one thing that they love about the other. It not only soothed the situation, but brought them closer. They still argue, but they have now learned how to tell each other what is bothering them. This taught them what they can do to prevent arguments. When squabbles do happen you should have ground rules to. This way they will know that there are consequences for fighting. For examples, there should be no cursing, or name calling, no hitting, and screaming. If these are used during fighting, they should be punished with something. If it is a younger child time out will work, but if it is a teenager they might need to have a privilege taken away.

Another suggestion is to step in and explain to each other what they get when they play together. This works great if they are fighting over a particular toy. There should be a game that can involve both of them. For example if they are fighting over a toy cash register, one of them can play cashier and one can play customer. They will bond and both can take turns playing with the toy. Also you can give each of them some alone time. They will be able to play by themselves and not be forced to play together at all times. This can be hard though when there is a big age difference because many times the younger child will want to be just like the older.

Boredom can also cause fights. You should have family time with the kids where they can do activities with both mom and dad. They should also have a time set aside during the week where they can have mom alone, and the same time with dad. They can trade off. This way it never seems like there is favoritism.

With all of these tips it is easy to manage conflict. There are many things that you can do to prevent, but also control fighting. Sibling rivalry will happen no matter what you do. Boredom is a leading cause of fighting. Teach your children to understand each other's dislikes. This will help prevent future arguments.