How to Handle the Death of a Pet

The death of a pet can be hard on some people. This is especially true for pets which have been part of the family for years. The first two days after the death of a pet can be the worst part of mourning for the loss of your pet. I know this because, after over five years, I am feeling this with the departure of my old friend Alley. First hand experience can tell you how hard the death of a pet can be. But how do you handle this? Here's a few tips which might help.

You will deny it happened, and then acknowledge it. When I first found my cat under a patio chair outside my home I thought she had simply fallen asleep. When I couldn't get her to wake up, rocked her and pleaded with her to move. The death of a pet was not something I wanted to accept, especially with Alley. It took me a few minutes to acknowledge the death of my pet Alley. We had been through many things together; we'd seen three homes, a flood causing separation for more than a month, a dog, a roommate, and a few good and bad days. Now I had to go through one more huge issue without her.

You will be in some form of shock. It will almost seem like suspended animation or slow motion in time as you try to figure out how to handle the death of a pet. If you are at home, realizing you have a dead animal which will attract bugs and other predators is the first good sign you are aware of things. I know it sounds harsh, but taking care of your friend will require one last task, finding a final resting place. For me, it would be under a tree in the back yard where Alley loved to sit on warm days. If you are considering cremation, you must move quickly. While I don't know how long Alley had been gone before I found her, I realized as I held her that afternoon that her body was stiffening up; and the flies were gathering.

You must move with steady speed. The final task of handling the remains after the death of a pet must be done with a steady pace. You are now battling time, the elements, and body chemistry. Each of these things is working against you. While the spirit of your friend quickly fades, their body will go slower but not by much. The body will begin to stiffen up within an hour or less. Chemical decomposition has already begun, and warmer weather will speed this process. Pick the final task you want to perform and move. I chose to bury Alley, and as she began to stiffen up, I knew I had to bury her. It takes time to get the tools you need together to perform the task.

You will cry. The death of a pet causes stress, both emotional and physical. You feel disconnected from the world. You want the whole situation to stop and reverse course. As I said my last goodbye to my long time friend, I wanted to hold back any show of emotion because I didn't want to believe this was happening. Alley couldn't be dead. And as I held her, before putting her in the ground, I kept thinking she would move even a little bit to let me know I didn't have to do this. I felt the tears as I covered over the body; and then turned and just sobbed for awhile. You will find a long hard cry at the death of your pet will help release some of the stress.

The routines will be hard to deal with. This I found out the hard way. Dealing with the death of a pet, especially a long term companion, means realizing that certain routines are no longer valid. Alley has been gone for two days, and I catch myself getting a plate down for her food. Jack, my other cat, used to have his milk in the morning right beside Alley and hers. It confused Jack when I put the extra saucer down with Alley being gone. And I still look for her in the morning, and when I come back from walking my dog Rambo. Last night I went to give her a goodnight pat on the head, and remembered she wasn't there. That was hard. Giving up routines will be hard. But this brings up the next item.

Memories are a good thing. Even though the death of a pet will bring back a flood of memories; I have come to slowly realize, the memories are a way to keep my love of Alley alive. Remembering the things which made you love your friend will hurt. But it will also help you deal with their loss. And it will remind you why you bothered to have a pet like that. Memories of Alley curled up next to me in bed, or on my desk or lap I will always cherish. Memories of her independent spirit will also give me strength, like they did for the years I had her here. Don't forget the reason you had your friend in you life, or what they gave you in return for safe harbor.

Say goodbye as often as you have to. This is another thing to do to help yourself get past the death of a pet. Saying goodbye as often as you need to will help ease the pain, even if for a little amount each time. If you said goodnight to your pet at the end of the day, as I did, continuing to do so will help ease the change of routine while acknowledging the pain of the loss. Silent remembrance will also help to say goodbye. Looking at old photos helps me along this way. I put Alley as a wallpaper on my computer. I know it won't last forever, but it helps when it is needed. Which brings us to another thing to do.

Find a way to honor your friend. With the death of my friend, I still cry. Writing this out causes tears because I will never know her love again. But knowing that I honored that love and the friendship I had for years by telling others about it makes the loss easier to handle. After the death of a pet, finding a way to honor their memory helps not only with the grieving, but also helps to acknowledge their existence and the honor they gave you with their life within your world. Alley I know loved me, even when I might not have constantly earned it; but knowing that she chose to stay with me as we moved through difficult and changing times deserves to be honored.

While the death of your pet will cause a lot of pain, which I know from experience, these steps do help ease the pain even if for a few moments. I don't know how long it takes to get over the death of a pet; but easing through the first 48 hours after the loss of a living part of you certainly is a part of the process. I hope you have as many great ways to remember your friend as I do mine.