How to Handle a Difficult Boss

Having a difficult boss can make your entire life miserable. It makes you dread going to work every day, and impacts your life outside of work because you're thinking about work when you're not there. You might be contemplating or in the process of trying to find another job. You're constantly thinking about the best things to sayyour boss the next time he or she gives you a hard time or makes you feel inadequate. You may be complaining to friends and family about your horrible job. If your job is making your entire life miserable, here are some things you can do.

Don't let your negative feelings influence your work performance. It's easy to under perform when you're not getting the recognition you deserve. If your work performance is declining, all you're doing is giving your boss more things to complain about or more reasons to criticize you. If anything, when you have a boss that doesn't recognize you, you need to use this as motivation to do better. The more you excel, the less reason your boss will have to tell you you're not meeting standard.

Don't talk negatively to coworkers. This is probably the worst thing that you can do. While it's nice to know that your fellow workers share your dislike and that you're not alone, the only thing you are really doing is creating more negativity. Spreading negativity doesn't help the situation and puts you all in a bad mood. Not only that, but if someone overhears, your situation will become ten times worse. Reply to comments with a neutral or positive response. For example, if a coworker says, "I can't believe he's hiring more people. There's not even enough hours for us", you can reply, "Well, I guess we're all just going to have to get second jobs then". Or if the comment is, "I hate when she does that. She's unfair", you can say something like, "Well, I'm sure she has her reasons". Eventually, they will find someone else to complain to. If you must complain about your bad boss, do it to a friend or family member outside of work.

Don't go above their head. Unless what they're doing is unlawful, it's a bad idea to go to your manager's boss. This will only fuel their fire, even if you do it anonymously. You also don't want upper management to think you are stirring trouble.

Don't react. You have to think carefully before you snap at a boss. Don't come up with excuses. Don't try to prove them wrong. Chances are, you're not going to win.

Ask for guidance. Sometimes a boss needs to feel important. If you are being criticized or told you are doing something wrong, even if you feel your way is better, realize that you're not the boss....yet! Nicely ask your boss what you did wrong and ask how to do it better next time. Ask how they would handle the situation. Do this respectfully. You don't have to be a brown nose. This will let your boss know that you are trying to succeed and do things the way they want them done, which is what you should be doing anyway. Once you receive this advice, do it their way. Your boss can't complain about you if you're not giving them anything worth complaining about. Thank them for the advice.

Write it down. Write down the things they say that you feel are unwarranted and what prompted the comment. Write the reason why you felt it was uncalled for and why you think they said it. This will help you in two ways. One, you can start to gage where their head is at. You might start to see a pattern of triggers. Two, should you have to sit down with your boss you will have examples of what they said that made you upset. If you do sit down with them though, don't bring in your log. They will see it as an attack and may feel you are plotting against them or trying to set them up for failure.

Ask. After your boss says something that makes you feel bad, don't be afraid to nicely and professionally ask why they made that comment. You can say something along the lines of, "I understand that you are trying to help me succeed. However, I'm not sure if you realize or not that what you just said made me feel horrible". Don't say this in front of other employees and only say this if your boss is really laying into you.

Keep track of good performance. Every time you do something good, log it. Keep track of things like receiving good customer feedback, landing a new account, winning a sales contest, gaining new skills, completing a project and anything else that will make you stand out. Everybody should be doing this anyway. It's great to refer back to should you ever look for a new job and want to explain your qualifications, but it's great for when you sit down for reviews of your current job.

Talk. If you are doing all of the above things, and your boss is still horrible request a meeting. Don't do this in the middle of the day. Ask your boss when they will be available to speak privately. Tell them nicely how you feel without attacking them. Show them your log, or your "brag book". Tell your boss you feel you are not getting the recognition you deserve and ask if there are any areas where they feel you are not performing in. Don't come up with excuses. Remember, neither you or your boss are perfect. There is always room for improvement. So, keep an open mind and really listen to what they have to say. You might be surprised.

Last resort. If you are truly unhappy in your job and it is affecting other areas in your life, consider looking for a new one. If you choose to do this, ensure that you are still performing well in your current job. Don't quit or do anything irrational. Professionally remove yourself from the situation as you transition from one company to the next.