How to Handle a Difficult Child

A young family member of mine has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder and some kind of defiance disorder by his counselor. I spend plenty of time with my family and I have noticed some things. His mother constantly corrects him and is on his case for every little thing. I don't think a day goes by without her raising her voice at him. I think by now, he is so used to her tone that it doesn't even register with him what she is trying to say. I think to myself that there has to be a better way to deal with this. I am not a counselor but something different needs to be done.

Paul is the type of child who cannot handle losing a game and being beaten by his opponent. He throws a huge fit and falls to the floor. He also does not listen the first time. Things need to be repeated more than once with him. I see him as a very strong willed child. There are some other family members who have his type of personality. I've noticed though that the way his parents deal with him, only aggravates the situation. When he throws a fit and falls to the floor, his parents get upset at him and tell him to go to his room. If he doesn't go, they literally pick him up and carry him up the stairs. You can just imagine the level of frustration now. He's lost a game, he's being yelled at and carried to his room. By this time, he's furious and his parents are all agitated. He doesn't care who is around. He's thrown fits in front of family members and friends.

Just last week I noticed his mother was finally starting to take a different approach. She wasn't yelling much and she started to ignore his tantrums. I noticed that he was up from the floor in just a couple of minutes as compared to 10 or more minutes. It seemed like he was over it so fast because she wasn't reasoning with him. In fact, his mother just walked away from him and went upstairs. I actually couldn't believe what I was seeing. I don't say anything because I don't want anyone to think that I'm interfering with their child, but I was so glad to see what I have never seen in quite some time.

I've always said that perhaps using a different tone with him would work. This way he doesn't feel like you are against him all the time. That has worked for me when I've dealt with him. He may not listen the first time, but he doesn't throw his tantrums because he sees that I am calm and I'm actually listening to him.

Every child is different and needs to be dealt with differently. It may not hurt to keep these couple of things in mind. Try using a softer tone of voice or ignoring the problem. You may see a difference in how your child may act or respond.