How to Handle Impossible People: Tips for Dealing with Negativity

Have you ever found yourself feeling drained or suddenly negative after an interaction with someone? Have you ever walked into a room or conversation all smiles and in great spirits only to leave feeling emotionally and physically depleted and lethargic? Perhaps you have a co-worker who seems to make your day 10 times harder than it needs to be by throwing emotional baggage and tension on you.

It's no surprise, people as a whole have become increasingly negative, critical and stressed and the physical and mental reaction you're feeling is the old game of "transference of emotion." Transference of emotion is a standard fall-back for people who are feeling down and miserable - they unload all the negative onto someone else and then they feel much better. As the saying goes, "misery loves company."

There are however some good methods to use to keep your center in the midst of negativity. I've learned a lot from someone very close to me whose Southern sensibilities of never ending curiosity and interest in others, her giving nature, and unfailing reliance on manners continues to inspire me to this day. And some I've learned simply from watching tenaciously happy people and how they handle life's up's and down's.

Negative or Critical Comments

1.) Don't Respond With Emotion

A critical or negative comment is really only said to get the effect of an emotional reaction from another person, so don't give it to 'em. An opinion is just that - an opinion - not a fact, right? So, it doesn't need to have any effect on you.

2.) Learn To Weed It Out

To my mind, anything that is not valid or true can be weeded out as unnecessary or irrelevant. Remember, it takes two to have an argument, so simply don't respond emotionally.

3.) Effective Ways To Reply

You can always smile in reply, change the topic, or simply say "ok." If you can find a portion of what the person asks or says to you that is positive, try just responding to that and ignore the other negative elements.

4.) Hold Your Reaction For 10 Seconds

A good way to prevent an emotional reaction from slipping out is to train yourself to wait 10 seconds before responding, often in this amount of time the emotion wears off and you can react calmly. This is a good idea in general because it encourages better listening and enables you to really take in what the other person is saying to you without having your thoughts focused on how you feel about it.

General Tension and Stress - Hurriedness and Rushing

We all have deadlines, appointments and schedules to keep but have you ever noticed that some people handle theirs without inflicting the details, strains and stresses of it on others, while some people just toss it all onto whoever is in earshot?

You have probably been in this scenario before: you are out and about running errands or just enjoying the day and you run into someone you know -- you stop to say hi, making eye contact and ask how he/she is doing, all the while that person is moving slowly onward (actually walking away while you're trying to have a quick chat), eyes roaming all around thinking of the next agenda or thing that needs to be done, probably in the process, interrupting you and ignoring what you've said.

Other people's stress and tension most definitely takes a toll on others, that's why it's important, just as a common courtesy, to try to not bring that kind of tension into interactions with others.

1.) Deep Breaths and Remember What's Important

It sounds hokey but it does work, when we're stressed or angry our breathing increases, try slow deep breathing when you begin to feel rushed and overwhelmed and then remind yourself that life and the people in it are what matters, not other's expectations.

2.) Slow Down and Enjoy Life

The best way you can deal with other people's frenzied energy is to make sure you slow down and set your own pace. Anything that can be done hurried can be done much better with a calm, focused perspective.

We will never be able to fit in everything we need to do in a day because the world will always have more demands. We tell ourselves that if we get this assignment done a bit faster or drive faster to get here or there sooner we will have more time for this or that, rushing around trying to fit more in a day all with the intention of creating more "free" time for ourselves. But the kicker is that this "free" time will only be used to rush around trying to meet more demands, it won't be used to stop and enjoy life or have a meaningful conversation with a friend.

You and the people you care about are the most important, each deserve time and focus.