How to Handle Personal Questions at the Office

It's not uncommon for conversations in the workplace to become very personal. Topics ranging from love and romance to parenting are often discussed during lunch, short breaks and even before or after office meetings. Is this kind of exchange comfortable for everyone? Of course not! Sometimes what is intended to be a friendly conversation can end up feeling more like an interrogation - especially if questions are asked about areas of one's life that they would prefer to keep private.

Ideally, coworkers would take things slowly and give each other time to open up about themselves and the aspects of their life (if any) that they wish to talk about. However, when inquiring minds want to know - well, they just wanna know - and it can be challenging to avoid answering personal questions without coming across as rude or antisocial. Based on my own observations, men in predominantly female offices and single individuals in offices where most employees are married often bear the brunt of intense questioning about their personal life. But no one in fact is ever immune.

So how does one avoid feeling like they are giving a press conference instead of having a relaxing lunch with coworkers? While there are no cure-all remedies for this, here are a few suggestions:

Use humor to divert attention from person matters. Funny people seem to almost have a gift for evading personal questions. By the time everyone is finished laughing at them, they've often forgotten what questions they asked in the first place! You don't have to be a stand-up comic in order to master this. Offbeat or sarcastic humor is even better, because it tends to leave people confused.

Example #1:

Question: "So, I hear you're single?"
Answer: "I am? When did that happen?"

Example #2:

Question: "Where do you go to meet people?"
Answer: "I used to visit the playground - until the arrest."

Example #3:

Question: "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
Answer: "No, but it'll cost ya! Advance payment is required. Cash only please."

(Author's note: use these at your own risk. And don't write me if problems arise.)

Out-question the questioner. Though it may feel as though you're on the stand, always remember that you too are free to ask a coworker questions. For example, if a coworker asks how you and your spouse or significant other met and you really don't care to answer this question, you can always say something like, "Gosh, it's been so long I barely even remember. I think it was through a mutual friend. What about you? How did you and yours meet? How long have you been together? Really? Do you have any advice for how to make love last? Is that so? I think you should put that in a book. Have you ever thought about writing one? No? I think you should reconsider! What do you think?" Wear 'em out before they have a chance to make you sweat.

Identify one thing that you feel comfortable discussing and talk about it extensively. If you have something that you are passionate about, talk about it - often. People will come to associate you primarily with that "thing" and over time, that's what most of their questions will center on - if they do not entirely lose interest in you. Pets, hobbies, sports - these are great topics that can keep discussions from getting too personal. But how does one bring these topics up when asked personal questions? There's nothing to it but to do it! Here are a few examples:

Example #1:

Question: "So what does a single guy like you do on the weekends?"
Answer (based on a true story): "Lately I've been teaching myself calculus..."

End of conversation. (Unless they happen to like math - but at least this takes the focus off the social stuff.)

Example #2:

Question: "What do you think of the boss?"
Answer: Not sure yet. All I can think about these days is housebreaking my dog Scruffy. Wanna see pictures? I've got plenty in my office!"

This will either end the conversation promptly or help you form a special bond with a fellow dog lover!

Always be prepared. Most personal questions at the office are pretty unoriginal. Every now and then, someone will come up with a doozie. The worst I've heard thus far was, quite fortunately, not directed toward me: "Wow, he's cute! Why did he choose you and not your sister?"

But anyway - you can count on the standard questions most of the time. Having a rough idea of what questions are typically asked in the workplace enables you to get your thoughts - and responses - together in advance. Here are a few examples to help you practice:

Partial List of Standard Questions Asked in the Workplace:

Standard Questions Asked of Single People

"Have you ever been married?"

"Do you want to get married?"

"Why aren't you married?"

"Are you dating?"

"Do you go out?"

"Isn't it about time he proposed?"

"Aren't you worried about your clock ticking?"

"Who are you seeing these days?"

"What qualities are you looking for?"

Standard Questions Asked of Married People

"How long have you been married?"

"How did you meet?"

"Do you have children?"

"How many children do you have?"

"Are you planning to have children?"

Standard Questions Asked of Remarried People

"Do you have any children together?"

"Do you get along with the first wife/husband?"

"Is it hard having a blended family?"

"Do the kids live with you or your ex?"

"So, where will the kids spend the holiday - at your house or your exe's?"

Standard Questions Not Related to Love or Relationships

"Where are you from?

"Where were you working before you came here?"

"Is this what you got your degree in?"

"Where did you go to college?"

"Are you thinking about going to back to school?"

"Where do you currently live?"

"How do you like it here?"

"What do you think of the boss?"

If all else fails, you can always use the "I'm a very private person" line. Once you announce it to one coworker, they will most likely inform everyone else in the office. Don't be discouraged, however, if you suddenly find yourself left out of casual conversations that take place around the water cooler. Most people want to feel as though they know their coworkers on some level before they include them in this kind of exchange. Nine times out of ten, you won't be missing much, but it's always nice to feel included!