How to Handle Sexist Family Members, As a Woman, at Holiday Gatherings

The holidays are here, and that means being forced to sit at a table with old Uncle Billy who still thinks that women only work until they find husbands, vote because they are "allowed " to, and are spoken to as equals only to avoid a lawsuit. Barbarian or not, he's still family, and it isn't likely that he'll be asked to stop coming to holiday get-togethers anytime soon (although someone should seriously consider telling him to zip it if he's going to keep coming). Regardless, knowing how to handle yourself may not only keep you from ripping your own hair out, but it just might help him see the light. Give your feminist arsenal of quick quips and comebacks a little padding with the following tips on how to handle sexist family members as a woman at holiday gatherings.

Tip #1: Don't laugh, smile, smirk, or even attempt to cut the tension after a sexist joke is made. Most women, staunch feminists or not, hope to keep a little peace at the holiday dinner table. As such, they tend to blow off sexist jokes as being harmless. The truth is they are demeaning, and it is not your responsibility to make things more comfortable for the offender. Leave the cleanup to him.

Tip #2: Respond to offensive questions about traditional female duties with the same question. In other words, if a sexist male family member asks you how often you press your husband's shirts, ask him how often he presses his own. If he asks you how many times a week you do your laundry, ask him how often he does his own. He can't very well respond by saying that he doesn't feel the need to without opening himself up to an attack he won't be able to defend himself against, so chances are your point will be made without having to make a scene.

Tip #3: Respond to derogatory treatment of a wife with shock and disgust, without shaming her further. Women married to sexist husbands are often treated with disdain at holiday gatherings, both by their spouses and by the women who are aghast at her acceptance of this treatment. Whether she realizes she is being abused or not, try not to blame her. Instead, a quick glance or look of disgust shot directly at the offender, in demand of an explanation, is usually all it takes to let him know that he belongs in a cave. An even better idea? Get together with your husband or boyfriend before this year's holiday gathering and plan on making a "scene" out of your respect for one another in front of the other couple. If he's a good sport, he might be up to taking on traditional female tasks such as preparing plates, freshening drinks, and cleaning up during your get-together just to make any sexist family members look dreadfully second class.

Tip #4: Elevate the level of your conversations. The best way to ward off an uneducated sexist male family member during the holiday season? Let him know that you can outwit him any day of the week. Limit the folksy, comfortable speech typical at family gatherings around this individual and let him know you are not one he'll want to contend with. Don't be afraid to flaunt your sophistication.

Tip #5: Be firm, and stay calm. There are two easy targets for sexist family members at holiday gatherings. One is the silent, scared woman who won't defend herself, much less her entire gender. The other is the raging feminist whose rants make her appear irrational and add fuel to the sexist fire. There is a balance to strike between the two. Calmly and rationally speaking your mind is the best way to quell a sexist family member's "enthusiasm." He will expect either shame and silence or a mad rage, but he won't be prepared to have an elevated, respectable, and calm conversation in which he'll have to defend his views with facts, studies, and truth. Because sexist individuals largely base their views on opinions that are incorrect but save them the trouble of having to think for themselves, they avoid intelligent conversations with women at all costs. Be prepared to step up to the plate.

Finally, if a sexist comment or question is directed at you, be confident above all else and scoff at the nature of the conversation as barbaric. Placing yourself above the childish assumptions of those less enlightened makes them wonder what you have that they don't. They'll either step up their own thought processes, or go crawling back into their ape cages. Either way, handling sexist family members at holiday gatherings this year, with these tips in mind, is bound to be a more satisfying experience.