How to Handle Strong-Willed Children

Strong-willed behavior in children manifests in many different ways. Parents describe it in the following terms:

• Wanting to do everything for himself

• Persistent

• Unpredictable

• Stubborn

• Determined and independent

• Does not respond to discipline

• Dominant and assertive

• Questioning

• Headstrong

• Argumentative and talks back to adults

How should Parents Handle Strong-willed Children

There are a number of ways that parents can handle children that are strong-willed. In some cases, it is best to ignore the child. This works well if the behavior is merely annoying or bad-mannered as opposed to dangerous and damaging. Behaviors such as crying, throwing tantrums, whining, pouting, showing off and arguing fall into this category.

Positive reinforcement can be helpful in many cases. Praise the child when he behaves well and obeys instructions. Follow verbal affirmation with physical contact such as a pat on the back.

If a child is misbehaving and needs to be reprimanded, do this by issuing direct instructions. These should be clear and concise and worded as an instruction rather than a question. The adult does not to need to give a reason or bargain with the child. If the instruction is ignored, the adult must then follow it up with a warning. This could be something along the lines of, "If you do not put that toy back on the shelf, you will have to take a time-out".

Time-out should be a specific place where the child has to sit and do nothing. The area should not contain any entertainment such as toys or television and it must be a place that is safe. The child should be told that he will not be allowed to leave the time-out area until he is quiet and calm.

Actions for Parents of Strong-Willed Children to Avoid

Parents can unknowingly reinforce their child's behavior by their reaction to it. Here are some situations to consider, along with the correct way to respond to them:

• Once a child is in bed for the night, don't respond to repeated requests for water, a snack or a hug.

• Don't comfort a child after a tantrum although this may be hard.

• Don't buy candy in a store to pacify a screaming child.

• Ignore the child if he keeps interrupting an adult conversation.

• Don't respond to any requests that are accompanied by tantrums and crying.

It can be difficult parenting a strong-willed child but with perseverance, effort and focused attention, mothers and fathers can work with the child and bring out the best in his character.

Reference:

Parenting the Strong-Willed Child , Rex Forehand & Nicholas Long, McGraw-Hill, 2010