How to Handle Things when Your Adult Child Returns Home

What do you do when your adult child moves back home? In my case, I smiled the first month and wanted to scream the second.

Our son, Justin, left our home in August to move to Florida. At the time, our daughter, Kimberly, was in Amsterdam, volunteering at a youth hostel after finishing college. I thought I would be lonely when Justin left but instead, I found out I liked having the house to myself during the day. In the evenings, my husband and I could eat what we wanted, we could watch the tv programs we wanted, and no one complained. Then Kimberly came home.

Kimberly had not been home for a year and we were glad to have her home. At first. Then we were told we watched too much tv, I didn't use enough spices when I cooked, and life at home was too boring. I began to wonder why I had missed her. Always an independent, outspoken person, she had now traveled the world and definitely knew more than we did. About everything. She thought she was just telling me the things she had learned. I felt like she was criticizing everything I did.

We were in new territory and neither of us knew how to handle it. Kimberly was used to being on her own and doing what she wanted, when she wanted, and she didn't want to answer to me. I was used to having the house to myself, keeping it clean and not considering anyone else besides my husband. We were a recipe for disaster and one day I exploded. I told her she could find another place to live if she couldn't show me some respect and common courtesy.

It was obvious we needed to have some ground rules. On the one hand, she was an adult who had been on her own. On the other, she was living in our home and needed to respect us and show us some common courtesy. She had to learn that if I asked her a question I was simply asking because I was interested, not prying. I had to learn to treat her as an adult and not a child.

I started looking at things from her point of view. She had been in a youth hostel with 30 other young people. There was always something to do and someone to do it with. Now she was home with Mom and Dad and we didn't do much besides work and watch tv. No wonder she was bored.

She had some health problems when she came home that she's still dealing with and consequently, she doesn't feel good much of the time. I'm not the nicest person when I'm not feeling good so I learned not to take it personally when she was short with me.

Kimberly has been home for two months now and we are actually getting along. If she's going to be home for dinner she has to let me know or she's on her own. At night I wash the dishes and she puts them away. I dust and she vacuums. Not only have we learned how to work together, we have learned how to respect each other.