How to Handle Unkind Comments from Others

We all know some people who just seem to revel in rudeness and inconsideration; the sort of people that make you want to turn and run the other way when you see them coming. Or we may meet strangers in public who make unkind remarks that should just as well be left unsaid. Unfortunately, we can't change the behavior of others, but we do have control over how we react to unkind comments.

I learned this lesson from my own mother when I was in the hospital, about to deliver my son. Mom was me with during the night, and one nurse who was caring for me seemed especially surly. When she left the room, I remarked to Mom that I didn't think that nurse had much of a bedside manner. She replied, "We don't know what kind of life she has. Maybe her husband just left her." That experience made me realize that we can't know everything that is going on in a person's life, even those we know well, and that unkind remarks don't always need to be taken personally.

My mother was the model of diplomacy, and could deliver her opinion in a kind and caring way. I never heard her make an unkind comment or raise her voice to anybody. I've tried to live up to that standard, not always successfully. But I have learned not to take cutting remarks to heart, but to consider why that person may have said such an unkind thing, or to just let it roll of my back the way a duck does water.

Some people just don't have much diplomacy, but speak what is on their mind. They may not deliberately mean to be cruel, but haven't learned better ways to express themselves. That rude remark may actually turn out to be a favor to you, although it was delivered in a hurtful way. We all have room for improvement. Could there be some truth in the remark?

Being the kind, compassionate (and modest) person that I am, I first consider whether the comment has any basis in fact. For example, I was once called a "know-it-all," and it was not meant as a compliment! Well, I've spent my life reading anything I could get my hands on, and my brain is crammed with all kinds of information that I love to share with people. But when I thought of other people I knew who behaved the same way, I realized how obnoxious that can be to the person on the receiving end! I'm not really a talkative person, but I can get on a roll once in a while. So I try to temper my impulse to respond until I know the person I'm talking to really is interested about what I have to say. I don't want to be a bore; I want my friends to look forward to seeing me!

Understand that hurtful remarks may arise out of that person's envy for you. I was teased unmercifully in school for being so thin. It upset me until I realized these comments came from girls with weight problems, who would have given their left arm to be as scrawny as I was! The last laugh is on me, since I am still at my high school weight after 31 years.

Once I've decided that an unkind remark is unjustified, I just let it go and chalk it up to that person's own poor self-image. I know who I am; I don't let others convince me otherwise. I know that I will not be perfect until That Day comes, and God will forgive my faults as long as I don't deny them, ask His forgiveness, and try to do better in the future.

In this life we will never be able to avoid all the rude, hateful, whiny, miserable, controlling, selfish people who surround us. It's tempting, and probably human nature, to get upset when we are insulted and to react in a similar manner, but be determined not to lower yourself to their level and you'll come out on top in the end. Remember that when you are treated badly, it's usually because of the other person's issues, and it is their way of turning the tables to make you feel bad or guilty and avoiding responsibility for their own emotions and behavior.