How to Handle an Unwanted Facebook Friend Request from a Parent
Is it OK to Deny a Friend Request from Mom or Dad?
As parents pop up everywhere on Facebook, the backlash has begun. There's even a group on Facebook called "Parents who have Facebook are creepy."
Accepting a parent as a friend means they get to see all of your foul language-laden status updates and those photos from the nights you went out drinking. Understandably, many Facebook users, even adults, don't want their parents to have access to this information. But how can you reject a friend request from a parent or other close relative?
Here are the three basic ways to handle an unwanted parental Facebook friend request.
#1: Deny the unwanted Facebook friend request
Simply denying the friend request is the easiest way to handle the situation. I'm always shocked by how many people are unwilling to consider this option. Remember, it's not like you're five years old anymore. You can stand up to Mom and Dad - especially when it comes to something as trivial as Facebook!
Gently inform your loved one, "Mom, I know you don't understand Facebook that well, but it's a place where I talk with my close friends about personal matters. I don't feel comfortable having my parents as part of that discussion, so I'm not going to accept the friend request."
If they're oversensitive and get offended at the denial, it's not the end of the world. They need to learn Netiquette sooner or later. Unless you want them snooping into your personal life all the time, might as well cut them off before they become part of your online world.
#2 Accept the unwanted Facebook friend request and censor yourself
This is by far the least desirable option, yet it's the one most people seem to choose. During a recent online discussion about unwanted parental friend requests, several commenters lamented the loss of their online freedom after reluctantly accepting the request. "Say goodbye to off-color content!" said one person. Another said, "I need to make sure I'm on my best behavior from now on!"
Comments like these just make me want to scream, Why? Ok, I get it. With parents, you have to pick your battles, and many people decide this isn't a battle worth fighting. If that's the case, go ahead and allow the parent to intrude in your virtual world, but don't complain about it later. You're the one who allowed it happen!
#3 Accept the unwanted Facebook friend request and create content filters
Did you know you can create special groups of friends and control what content each of those groups can see? This is the recommended option for handling unwanted Facebook friend requests from parents.
If you're really not willing to tell Mom or Dad to cut the cord, and you feel forced to accept their friend request, go ahead and accept the request, then make it so they can't access most of your profile.
While browsing your list of friends, select Create New List and add your parent to the list. Then, edit the List settings so that the members of the list cannot see photos, status updates, wall feed, or whatever else you'd like to hide. Now, you've made your parents happy by accepting them, while at the same time maintaining the freedom to have an online personal life.
Chances are your parent won't even realize some of your content is being hidden. If they're web-savvy enough to know that you're hiding some of your profile, they're probably web-savvy enough to know not to send you a friend request in the first place.
Unwanted Facebook friend requests: Summary
If you find yourself faced with an unwanted friend request from a parent or another person with whom you aren't comfortable sharing the details of your personal life, the best option is to politely deny the request or accept the request and create content filters. Don't censor yourself!
And if you're a parent, don't even think of sending your child a friend request. Whether they admit it or not, they do not want to be your online friend and they will resent the intrusion into a corner of their life that is supposed to be private. Give them some space!
Sources:
www.facebook.com
http://www.peoplejam.com/blog/9507/parents-and-facebook-dos-and-donts
Published by Scott Allan
Scott Allan runs a travel blog at http://quirkytravelguy.com. He is a freelance journalist specializing in music, travel and sports who has been published on Yahoo! Sports, Livestrong.com, Spinner.com, AOL T... View profile
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11 Comments
Post a CommentHAH! What About when your child friend requests you. Parents don't always want their kids to see everything either!!!
P.S. My father is also my friend on FB. I have long stopped caring what he thinks of my life, and he respects my bounderies, so there is no issue.
My daughter got her FB page when she was a minor. I sent her a request, as she does not live with me, and I thought it would be a cool way to keep in touch. At first she said no, but she later relented when she turned 18. After she realized I wasn't all in her business, wasn't checking out all her friends, etc., she relaxed. We have had several good chats online since then. I am proud of her for playing it safe on-line with her privacy, as well.
If you or your friends post stuff that you wouldn't want your parents to see, then it shouldn't be on the computer to begin with! My daughter and I and many of her friends are friended and have no problems. This is the problem with FB -- people are using it for things I don't think it was meant. I might understand teenagers feeling this way because they don't want their parents knowing anything, but if you're an adult, and you shouldn't feel this way. I think it's hysterical now that "my girls" are in their late 30s and are talking about what they got away with as kids, and they're fine with me seeing it!
I've had both my parents request to be my friends. It wasn't such a shock with my dad, but I was NOT expecting the request from my mother.
The other side of the coin is also an option...which I am thankful for, my children have chosen- to develop a friendship with their parents-even online...but my kids aren't prone to bad language or to do inappropriate things anyway-nothing to hide :)
In fact my daughter really wants a facebook and wants me to be her friend on FB...she is patiently waiting until the age limit. Interesting article.
Hee hee...I guess my life is pretty boring...I've been trying to convince my parents to get FB!
Well, I figure you can let your parents add ya or your parents can block all social networking sites off their home computers and keylogger them. Its a very complicated subject though. If it will save a child, then its great, but you risk your kids trust also for possibly misconceiving your child as dishonest. I know I would have loathed it at that age.
Luckily my parents are still afraid of the internet for the most part. They wouldn't dream of getting a Facebook page.
I had to laugh when I saw your article title...my 14 yr old grandson and I have been going round about this. He says he doesn't want us(parents,grandparents,aunts)to be there and see what all of his friends are saying...makes me wonder why. But not going to force him. It's fine since kids need privacy as much as adults. Actually, I don't want his lil buddies reading my posts either. Works both ways. Good article :)